Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Reflections of Summer

I cannot imagine a more perfect summer. I spent almost everyday at the pool with the kids. I got to spend several days with my entire family - the first time we've all been together in fourteen years! I felt the love of community, spent countless hours in deep conversations with friends, and most important of all - relaxed.

The summer kicked off with my brother's wedding. My new sister, Rene, did an absolutely fantastic job planning a most perfect day. The 50's theme portrayed exquisitely the class and beauty she embodies. And I might add, my brother's "bondesque" attire wasn't too shabby either. The setting in Palm Springs, CA contributed even more to the reminiscent theme of the past. I don't think I need to ever attend another wedding because it will just pale in comparison to that day. I have enjoyed watching the two of them interact with each other over the course of the last few months. One of my comments to my new sister was, "I love the way you love my brother." And I do.

It was a great way to begin the summer because I would say the overarching theme of my summer was 'love." By saying this I am not referring to the cheesy outdated, yes somewhat 'greasy' concept of summer loving, but an all new idea of love. For some this may not be a new idea, but for me it was. I have long struggled with the notion of Christ as lover. I have frequently scoffed at it in fact. Accepting God as Father was a journey for me that took several years. The Holy Spirit as Nurturer and Comforter took me many additional years to cultivate. Christ as Lover, I had never fully understood the importance of or embraced. But this summer, I began.

And it was a summer of love. He held me. He touched me. He spoke soft words of endearment to me. He showered me with gifts. He provided for me. He acknowledged me in name to the world. He called me His own. He praised me. He loved me. And it was sufficient. I cannot say I have ever felt that way about any lover. And I dare say, in this fallen world we are not meant to say such things about earthly lovers. They are simply a shadow of a greater and more perfect spiritual reality that is in Christ. We strive to be like Him, and that is good but we will always fall short. I think the most redemptive element of envisioning Christ as lover for me was the accompanying ability to forgive those who have fallen short of that ideal, who have not been what they ought to be, but have taken what they desired to take and left me unloved. I found that when my ideal resided in the earthly I could not see the misuse, but my heart would break just the same and I would never know or understand why.

The hardest part of the entire process was the very beginning. When God asked to redeem my ideal of lover I would not allow it. Plainly and simply, I did not trust the role and could not even trust God in that role. For me it meant nothing but taking and abandoning. I admit, He does take. His demands are sometimes so great and the pain of them almost intolerable and yet He gives and enables me to meet them. He never takes without giving. He never abandons.

The process is far from over. I imagine it will be several more years of wading through the intricacies of this role. I'm going to make a lot of mistakes along the way. I will at times lose my trust. I will be unfaithful. I will seek earthly ideals above the divine. But I take comfort that He will always come after me. He will pursue. He will bring me back into His arms and show me a love I do not deserve.

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt."And in that day, declares the LORD, you will call me 'My Husband,' and no longer will you call me 'My Baal.' For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth, and they shall be remembered by name no more...And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD." Hosea 2:14-20.

How's that for some summer lovin'?


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Pacifist or Machine Gun Preacher

I'm not one who usually recommends movies, let alone one that has an R rating and especially not one with a cheesy title like "Machine Gun Preacher." This movie, however, was an extremely eye opening piece of work based on the true story of Sam Childers and his passion for orphaned children in Uganda.

Recently a friend of mine has been working on a paper in defense of pacifism. The issue of just war has been on my mind a lot as I analyze his thoughts. The movie, Machine Gun Preacher depicted well the darkness that can infest a man's heart as he takes life even in an attempt to preserve life.

I am not a pacifist in practice, but I am a pacifist in theory. In other words I believe that the taking of life should always be a last resort and can only be justified as a means for the preservation of life and a greater good. But it comes at a cost. The cost is what must be weighed ultimately. In a perfect world there should be no violence. The human heart as created in Imago Dei should abhor violence and any manifestation thereof. Violence and war are a result of a fallen world. We hold great hope in God's plan for complete restoration to the beauty of His creation. We hope for a time when there will be no war and violence. At heart one's eschatological views should make all men pacifists.

There is great power that accompanies a person's calling to defend the defenseless, the innocent, the orphan or widow. When this defense calls for violence, a debatable demand, we risk becoming drunk with this power. We risk crossing a line where the hatred of those harming the ones we love overwhelms us to the point where we can no longer see them as Imago Dei and the taking of their lives no longer pricks our conscience. It is at this point where we have lost sight of the greater good.

As a former military member I have seen the repercussions of PTSD on many of my loved ones that comes as a result of seeing death and suffering and to an ever greater extent, in response to the taking of life. PTSD is a very real disorder that comes in direct proportion to the sensitivity of human conscience. There is an element of comfort that should accompany the presence of PTSD in that the conscience is not dead and is in fact reflecting a very real violation of life. Violence ought to disturb us and disturb us greatly.

There is much debate over the concept of a violent God in Scripture. A violent God there is nonetheless. But why? He exists because there is a desire for the preservation of life and more fully in the manifestation of His redemption through Christ for the extension of a fuller eternal life. One might credibly argue that the greatest act of violence in the history of mankind was at the foot of the cross, and yet without that violence there would be no eternal life. Evil is still present in our world thereby making violence and war sometimes a necessary means for the preservation and defense of life. But when we lose sight of God's ultimate accomplishment in Christ's work on the cross, we abandon the hope of a future where there will be no more suffering, no more violence, no more war. Pacifism should be at the heart and hope of every human.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Hospitality

My initial response to the word "hospitality" is, Dear God, please no. I have a lot of gifts, some more prominent than others. I would say that my most motivating gift is teaching; I absolutely love it. The research, the compiling of information, the organizing, and the writing - love it! In fact my love for it is so compelling that it causes me to fear any identity in other gifts. I want to converse with people, to engage with their intellect, to coax out ideas, to match minds. I don't want to be stuck in the kitchen! I think one of my greatest fears in ministry has been that I will walk into a place, they will see I am a woman and immediately stick me in the kitchen or in the nursery and my longing for cerebral intimacy will dissipate into loneliness and the monotony of screaming infants and clanging pots. Oh God, please no!

And so, I hide. I hide the gift. But it's not really possible to hide. Really. I find myself leaping inwardly at the opportunity to host events or feed people. And even then I feel shame for wanting that. I recall one evening a friend asked me why I made food for a gathering and I was afraid to say, "Because I love doing it." I found myself conjuring a list of excuses to spout off, detracting and derailing any attempt to trap me in that box. It's silly, I know.

I have discovered that my affinity for hospitality is not so distinct from my teaching gift; both involve feeding people. I am simply driven to give people what they need for sustenance and  growth. Teaching spiritually feeds the body of Christ, giving us nurture and goodness. The healthier we are as a body, the more united we are. We eat from the same plate and we drink from the same cup and we are one.

Food has a way of drawing people together into community and cohesion. One evening I made food for an event. I recall walking into the room carrying my plate of treats and what was a scattered room suddenly became a cluster of chatter and excitement circulating around food. The excitement wasn't over the food, but food was the venue for drawing together and uplifting those present. It is the same with our spiritual food and our expressions of that. Whether through the Eucharist or through the preaching of the Word, it is all food that draws us together and unites us in the body of Christ. And so I am convicted to more boldly use this gift to foster greater unity around me.

Several years ago a friend of mine identified compassion as his driving motivation in the expression of gifts. And he was saddened. Not because of anything internal but because of others' perceptions of his gift. He was told that his gift of compassion greatly incapacitated him in any kind of pastoral or leadership role. Translation: "You poor sap, what a girly gift to have." It was most unfortunate and greatly misguided. I would choose that man to sit through any pain, sorrow, or distress with me in life. Fortunately he disregarded that misconception and now serves as a hospital chaplain, walking friends and families through the pains and losses in life.

Stereotypes, whether of gender, culture, or race in the body can hamper us from the expression of our gifts and it is a key tool of the enemy to prevent us from serving and strengthening one another. Are there gifts you hide because you are afraid of how others will view your contribution? Are there cultural conventions that drive you into hiding the gifts God has blessed you with for the lifting up and edification of His body? Don't squander them. God gives them because they are needed. Use them boldly.


Thursday, May 17, 2012

Dr. Who's Modern House of Bones Touch Alcatraz

I was upset when they killed off Neil Perry in Dead Poets Society and I am even more dismayed that producers feel the need to kill off Wilson in FOX's House. If I were Robert Leonard I'd wonder if people didn't enjoy killing off my characters. Talk about typecast. You can't kill off Wilson people! He's the only character that grounds the show. House is getting sent back to prison. Who cares?! The guy's an insane abuser, who makes a mockery of his oath to "preserve the purity of my life and my arts" and it's pathetic how endeared we are to him, myself included. Is that Hippocratic or hypocratic? I'm just a tad bit upset about this.



Evidently Bones is going to prison too. It must be the "in" thing right now to send your lead character to prison. Anyone else on FOX getting sent to prison this season? I'm proud of her for becoming a fugitive though. It's completely irrational and shows character growth. Hurray for character growth! I strive day in and day out to gain an inch of ground in character growth and here she pulls it off in one episode. I guess I just need to go to prison.
 

Kiefer's gone metro, which is kind of hot. I like a man who can dress. His acting is the annoying part in the new show, Touch. You would think after 9 years of raising an autistic child you would stop yelling his name every time the kid wanders off. He's not going to respond! Why are you yelling?! Nevertheless, yell he does - over and over and over again. Half the show is good ol' Kief running, out of breath, yelling after his son, who never responds. It's like 24 only not. I am mentally exhausted at the end of every episode. So, why do I watch it? Cryptology. Yeah, I know. Nerdy. But I love it. I overlook the poor directing in favor of puzzles and numbers. Who knows, maybe the plot will grow on me like Lost did. By the end of the show I was enamored with all the characters, poor acting and all. AND I got my number fix: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42! So here's to hoping.



Speaking of Lost, Jorge Garcia has moved on to the new show, Alcatraz. It's pretty good. A bunch of prisoners from Alcatraz disappear in the 60's and time jump to the present. They were all reported dead at the time so there's no record of any of them in the system and they're running amok wreaking havoc in San Fransisco. Jorge is a subject matter expert on all things Alcatraz and gets drafted as part of the team to track down all the criminals. It's kind of like a Fringe meets CSI show. There's a little romance woven in. One of the "jumpers" was a doctor from the 60's dating a guard who did not make the jump. He waited all these years trying to find her and now they have been reunited. Only the decades of separation have resulted in a torturous tension as he is older and she has not aged a day. It kind of wrenches your heart, like Dr. Who and River Song. So far I like it and am looking forward to seeing how the plot will unfold.


 I started watching Modern Family. Don't judge me. A friend got me hooked. It's hilarious. And it makes me feel like my family is completely normal. So however delusional that may be, it is a comfort. I learn useful tidbits for child rearing as well. Take that Focus on the Family! In a recent episode, Mitchell and Cameron find out that Lily is a "runner." Oh how this resonates with me. Declan is a "runner." And there's no beating it out of them. On a family trip to Disneyland, they decide to put Lily on a kid leash (yes, I've done the same with Declan.) Apparently there is something socially unacceptable about tethering your child. I never knew... but I guess there is. Anyway, Grandpa Jay gets an idea and buys Lily a pair of princess heels to walk around in. He got the idea from his glamorous hobbling wife who was attempting to maneuver the amusement park in her 5 inch heels. So now Lily is perfectly content prancing around in her little heels and completely oblivious to the fact that she can't run. It's a great lesson. I plan on buying Declan his first pair of heels this week. I'll let you know how that works out for us. 


Hello Sweetie. Dr. Who? Uhm, yes. I must confess. Matt Smith was my first. I will never love another like I love him. I have spent time with Eccleston, and even came close to falling for Tenant, but no one can captivate me quite like Smith. The latest season ended with "The Wedding of River Song." Spoilers! No, not really. I'll leave the end a mystery for those who haven't seen it. If you have not dabbled in the Who, you need to. That is all there is to it. 


Well, that's pretty much all I have time to watch these days between school and full time mom. I've been flirting with the idea of watching Battlestar Galactica but the jury's still out. I dip my toe in the water with random episodes, but am still abstaining from a full on leap into the water. I'll catch up on other stuff when I get my Netflix back after graduation... in a year.






Wednesday, May 16, 2012

The Oddity of Discernment

This last semester I spent a great deal of time in the Hebrew text of Genesis 1-3. Such a beautiful and masterful story ending in such devastation and tragedy. Sometimes the extremes are more than one can bear. Quite literally in fact, we could not bear it and it is only through Christ and His work that we have any semblance of meaning. I spent a lot of time wondering what was meant by the phrase, "and they knew that they were naked." So they didn't have clothes, big deal.

The Fall was something far greater than just a physical reality. We understand today that spiritual repercussions accompanied the physical pronouncements. "You will surely die" meant physically and spiritually. But what about the nakedness?

The work of the Cross negated the consequences of sin pertaining to spiritual death and it is our hope that one day we will overcome the consequence of physical death through the power of the resurrection. The physical reality is yet to be fully realized but the spiritual reality is here now. We have eternal life now because of the cross. But again, what of the nakedness?

The gift of discernment is an oddity in the nine-fold list of Holy Spirit empowered gifts. Words of wisdom, words of knowledge, faithfulness, healing, miracles, prophecy, discernment, speaking, and interpretation of tongues. My sister, as well as several friends of mine, exercise discernment frequently, but it is different from the others in that it is not such an overt manifestation as are the other gifts. It is subtle and quite unnerving. How is it unnerving? We go through life learning to survive and mask our vulnerabilities from others who may take advantage of our exposure and suddenly someone comes along who quite effortlessly strips away the facade and sees us for what we truly are. We are suddenly naked.

I have talked to many men and women who function similarly when life overwhelms us. We strive even harder to cover up our despair in life by focusing on disarming others through our appearance. I have found I receive some of the greatest compliments when I am feeling my worst. Then along comes a friend with discernment and I find myself thinking, "Oh great! Why did I even bother wearing make-up today, let alone dressing myself?" What is the purpose of this obtrusive stripping?

Nakedness without shame. That is the purpose. It is the spiritual redemption of the cross continued in the work of the Holy Spirit allowing us to be exposed and naked without shame, or at least bringing the shame to the forefront so that we may be convicted to alter the source of shame. Discernment propagates authenticity. Authenticity is necessary for relationships both with God and with others. We cannot truly enter into community, intimacy, and relationships without nakedness. That is true both in its physical reality and spiritually in the body of Christ. It is awkward to feel the probing opened eyes of discernment. It is invasive and uncomfortable. But it is necessary in restoring us to Eden.

I never before associated the gift of discernment with a restoration to Eden until a recent conversation with a friend of mine and it was all a matter of timing. Since I had been so intently immersed in Genesis for weeks our conversation on the vulnerability created by discernment immediately thrust me into the creation and fall imagery. And I knew I wanted that. I wanted to return to Eden. I wanted to be naked and vulnerable without shame. I wanted to be authentic in community, intimacy, and relationship. I suddenly wanted to be discerned, for the layers to be peeled away and to be exposed because it is only through that exposure that we can truly enter into the fullness of relationship.

 

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Winter has faded. Spring is but a shade. Summer is rushing headlong towards us. Summer is by far my favorite season. I love them all, but not equally. I love the sweltering heat, breezy mornings, relaxing evenings on the patio, and most of all, play. I love to play. And summer is the time to play.

Play gets a little tricky this summer. I'm taking 3 classes at seminary: Evangelism and Discipleship, Growing in Ministry Leadership, and Globalization in Theological Education Chinese Worldview Today. Fortunately they are not all at the same time and staggered throughout May, June, and July. I'm really looking forward to the course in Globalization as it involves a trip to study in China for 2 weeks.

I took a long break from blogging this semester; more out of necessity than desire. Blogging is therapy for my mind. It gets a little crowded in there if I do not have a venue for spewing excess thoughts. This last semester I had so much paper writing, I was not at a loss for information dumps. My exegetical paper in James was the most time intensive assignment. Trying to keep up in Hebrew at the same time was rather challenging. I do not recommend taking two languages simultaneously and if I had to repeat it, I would definitely opt for the summer Hebrew class as many of my peers have done. Unfortunately I missed that memo and hardheadedly stuck to the degree program worksheet. Drat my inflexibility! I am learning. I am very thankful for my two tutors, Deirdre Brouer and Matt Hollomon, who got me through the year in one piece. I need to throw a shout out to Denise Morris as well for being an encouragement in Hebrew. For some reason just hearing her say, "You'll be fine" was reassuring enough to calm my panic-driven test anxiety.

I loved my theology and homiletics course this semester. We had some pretty fun banter going in the theology class. The more diverse the backgrounds in the class the funner, yes I said it, the funner the discourse. Homiletics - OMG! Who knew? I love preaching! Learn something new every day. I'm just glad to find that out. I had overruled my pastoral gifts because of a slight fear of preaching. Most of that had to do with just not knowing proper structure and format. Having those tools made all the difference.

I totally dropped the ball on Training and Mentoring this semester. It happens. Well, not to most people, but to me, it did. The geographical relocation combined with James semester stress and just life in general meant something had to give. Shifting my entire network to a new city and trying to maintain mentoring relationships in the former is not really an optimal equation for success. One of my summer projects will be to finish transition and move my mentoring network to Littleton. So beware! I'm on the prowl for loved and respected leaders in ministry to aid in the remainder of my seminary journey.

Declan has decided he likes coffee now and manages to find and sneak my brew.. I am glad I have mornings free for the summer. They are becoming quite the craze around here. I foresee a few trips to Monkey Business to let him burn off steam... and caffeine. I finally have time to peruse the neighborhood. There is a bowling alley around the corner and a skate city close by. Rainy day dilemmas solved! Declan loves hiking! Naturally. He doesn't really hike; he just rides along in the pack. I can't complain. It's great exercise. Naomi's getting better at distance; it just depends on the day. Some days she can hang for 5 or 6 miles, and other days she poops out at 2.

I have some camping trips in the works for the kids this summer. I'm really looking forward to it. We didn't get to camp at all when I was growing up. Probably had something to do with living in a steel jungle with the third largest population in the world; not too many opportunities to wander off in nature. I took Naomi when she was younger, but it's been a few years. Declan is coming up on 3 and the perfect age to start enjoying it and Naomi is still young enough not to get annoyed at family trips. That won't last much longer. 14ers. Yep. Going to do a few of them.

I started dancing again. I forgot how much I loved it. It's been a long time. I used to dance a lot. Part of my summer fun will be dancing. Other than writing I don't choose too many creative outlets; dancing will be one. I plan to paint a little too. I'm a horrible painter, but I like to do it anyway. It gives Naomi a chance to poke fun at me. She's my little artist. Every now and then I go to one of those 'Sipping and Painting' places and pretend to paint. I'll be doing that a few times this summer. I'm picking up piano again. At least that's the plan. It's been a long time but I always feel a tremendous amount of regret and sadness over letting the skill go when I hear others play. So that's enough of that. I'm just going to start playing again.I played scales this morning, boring but necessary. I'll get there.  There will be lots of volleyball. I thought it would be a little harder to get back into it than it has been. It's been a few years since I've been able to play competitively. Something about being pregnant and having children sort of gets in the way of that. Although I did play volleyball while I was pregnant with Declan. That was fun... and awkward. But it explains why he's such a little adrenaline junky. I may have taken him on a few rollercoasters in utero as well. Rollercoasters! Yes. I need to do that this summer as well. And lots of water play. The kids love water.

What to watch ? I'm all caught up on Dr. Who for the new season starting in September. I'm rather limited in what I can watch since I swore off Netflix until I graduate from seminary, so whatever can be DVR'd pretty much. It just wouldn't be summer without a few Clint Eastwood flicks. Arid deserts, dirty unbathed men, sultry women and guns. I know, gross... but to each their own. I'd rather read than watch anyway, so I will probably focus most of my free time on reading what I want to read. A friend sent me a list of Kierkegaard to tackle and I have a few books on the Trinity piling up that I need to wade through.I will probably sneak in a Clive Cussler novel or two, you know, just to be gluttonous.

And that's my summer! More to come soon...


Sunday, May 13, 2012

The Mother Church

A woman lies curled in her bed, seeking comfort and solace in light of another onset of menstruation. Seven years of fertility drugs and 3 miscarriages have left her empty and devoid of life. 2 years later this young woman again lay in bed, only this time delivering a little girl 15 weeks early. Motherhood for her is riddled with pain in conception, striving in delivery, and years of laborious efforts to keep her young daughter on par with growth scales.

A 21 yr old woman discovers she is pregnant. In a brief assessment of her life, direction and future, she realizes she is incapable of providing a stable home for her son. The only recourse she can see is to find a loving and promising home for him. Three days after he is born she feeds and changes him, buckles him into his car seat, prays over him, and kisses him goodbye as he is whisked away into the receiving arms of his new mother and father leaving the young woman’s arms empty and her body yearning to sustain an absent infant. Motherhood for her signifies emptiness, heartache, and questioning.

A young man stares out the driver’s seat window at the front doors of an abortion clinic. His girlfriend, inside for the last hour, walks intentionally to the car and slides into the passenger seat. They sit and talk over the implications of an ultrasound image portraying twin life within her.  Fearful of what the world would think of them they follow through with their initial plan to terminate the pregnancy. 10 years later this man still grieves every anniversary of that day, crying over the loss of life that was part of him. To this seasoned, war-hardened marine, motherhood symbolizes loss, untrustworthiness, and death.

An abandoned and divorced mother struggles to put back together some semblance of normality for her family. She scrambles to recover a career laid aside for family planning, and provide for her children.  For this woman motherhood means loneliness, undesirability, and unrealized dreams.

A middle-aged woman battles with the changes of her body as she nears the end of her reproductive cycles. While having a sense of fulfillment over the children she has, she watches them struggle in asserting their independence in the world and wonders if she should not and could not have done more. As she gazes upon her legacy in the world she is plagued by regret. Her body grieves the end of a season.  Motherhood to her encapsulates purpose gone, mistakes made, and relationships underdeveloped.

One of many traits these seemingly unconnected individuals possess is that they have all come to the Church seeking wholeness and healing. The problem we encounter with identifying the Church as Mother is that it often adopts the form of our preconceived notions of motherhood as opposed to defining a concept that we are to then imitate. We define the Church by what we know instead of allowing the Church to define what we know. St. Augustine is credited with saying, “The Church is a whore, but she is my Mother.” Is she a whore because it is ingrained in her nature? Or is she instead a whore because we bring our fallen and broken images of mother and impose them upon her?

The Church is to stay true to the purpose of her existence in morality, maintenance, and mission. The Virtuous Bride of Christ brings healing and restoration to a broken world. The Church, as the body and bride of Christ is to reflect His name, desirability and character to the world. Throughout history and into the present the church frequently ignores matters of social concern and her role to meet those concerns. She sacrifices morality, and mission for the sake of her own exaltation and maintenance.

Proverbs 31 is written as a literal explanation of what is desired in a good wife. As women work through the implications of this passage, the impossibility of this character and her characteristics becomes apparent and overwhelming. In the context of the book of Proverbs these many characteristics are repeated throughout the book as qualities belonging to the personification of wisdom. True wisdom belongs to God. 
 
In the NT men are exhorted in their roles as husbands to be Christ-like. We understand the exemplification of these characteristics to be good because Christ, as God, possessed the divine nature of God. Husbands strive to be more like God in character through their roles as husbands. Rarely do we look at the qualities praised in women as also being characteristic of the divine nature; and yet they are. The characteristics depicted in the personification of wisdom and culminating in Prov. 31 are exemplary of the role of wife and mother. In the NT, wives are exhorted in their roles as wives in comparison to the Church as Christ’s bride. Since Scripture is not intended to be contradictory then the roles described in Prov. 31 not only apply to the physical femininity of women in the role of wife but also apply to the spiritual femininity of the Church in her role as the bride of Christ.

Proverbs 31:10-31 An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight. She is like merchant ships; she brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens. She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens. She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She senses that her gain is good; her lamp does not go out at night. She stretches out her hands to the distaff, and her hands grasp the spindle. She extends her hand to the poor, And she stretches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies belts to the tradesmen. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying: "Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all." Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
 
The original audience for this passage was the nation of Israel. When we extrapolate meaning and application from a passage for the purpose of applying it to a modern audience, we must be true to the process. While these attributes were indeed desirable for a spouse at that time, we must question why these traits are admirable. Each and every trait is desirable because they are attributes of God’s character. In all the history of mankind have you ever seen or known God to exalt or honor characteristics that are not first and foremost His own? The answer is – no! So we must conclude that these are characteristics of God. Each attribute described in Proverbs 31 aligns with a parallel use in reference to the personification of Wisdom throughout wisdom literature in the OT. If these attributes are desirable in a bride because they reflect the divine nature of God, then it stands to reason that as the Bride of Christ these are attributes Christ desires in us and characteristics that please Him. 

So the question remains who are we attempting to please? Do we desire to please the world or is our desire to serve our Groom. Are we, the Church, prudent with our finances, spending wisely on land, buildings, and modifications? (Prov. 31:13-16) Are we reaching out to embrace, feed, and clothe the poor and needy? (Prov. 31:20) Are we vigilant? (Prov. 31:18) Do we focus on pleasing the masses, and appealing to their senses or are we faithful to a genuine respect and fear of the LORD? (Prov. 31:30) Do we make our Groom's name known and respected to the world? (Prov. 31:23) 

 “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  She brings him good, not harm all the days of her life.” Ideally this is a very difficult role to embrace. God trusts us? Why would He do such a thing? Is it even theologically sound to suggest that God would place His trust in something outside of Himself? This may be where we are permeated with skepticism and doubt. Are we outside of God, or are we truly grafted into His body and part of Him extending to the world? Now THAT is an overwhelming concept to ponder.  God has pulled us into Himself, into His family, and trusts us fully with His mission to the world. That can certainly hold water. But what of our handling of this task? Have we, as Prov 31: 12 suggests, brought Him good, not harm, all the days of our life? Conceptually, yes; specifically, no. Because we exist today, we are an attestation to the life-giving power and endurance of God in the world; 2000 years is nothing to sneeze at. We have failed in some aspects because we are an organism compiled of imperfect and broken people. In a Kingdom economy a good wife and mother is the Church.  I am not suggesting some hidden secrecy or foretelling prophecy, it is an eternal principle of the intimate relationship between bride and groom and thereby a subsequent tool for defining the role of the Church in her relationship to Christ.We, the Church, are Christ's Bride and True Mother to the lost and hurt in the world and grace emanates from our very existence.

The scenarios I shared at the beginning of this piece were not mere hyperbole. They were not construed to evoke emotion or manipulate your feelings.  These are real scenarios that I have observed and participated in. This was my family and our experiences in and with motherhood. The woman struggling torridly through the barren wasteland of infertility, the young woman who found herself wrestling through the implications of unplanned pregnancy, the young man fearful of cultural and societal impressions and expectations, the woman picking up the pieces of a broken marriage, and the aging woman’s realization of a season ending - these are our stories. These stories are common within the Church and often overlooked and the Church does not fulfill her role as mother to this very real pain and sorrow in her midst. This Mother's Day I challenge you to question what "mother" means to you and ask the question, "Are we emulating brokenness in our expression of this role in the Church or are we adapting the divine image of Mother lain out for us in Scripture?" This Mother's Day, whether you are a physical mother or not, remember that we are all a part of the body of Christ and therefore Bride and Mother with implications much greater and longer lasting than any role we will have in this life. We are Mother.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Moving Forward

The View
With the holidays survived and the New Year well on its way, the move to Littleton was a great success. Here are just a few pictures of the new place. I'm still working on the bedrooms but at least the living spaces are cozy. The apartments are in a great location. Everywhere we need to be is pretty much within a 3 mile radius. I like convenience.

Naomi started at her new school this week and is loving it. Declan will spend some time next week at his new daycare to get adjusted before my semester starts the following week. We thrive with routine so the next few weeks will just be about getting into the groove of things again. For someone who is typically resistant to change, I have surprised myself over the last several months. What I have discovered is that often change is necessary for growth and forward movement. Having weathered the brunt of the change I am now excited about the direction this path is taking us. That's all for now. Enjoy the pics!


Kitchen
Kitchen
Living room
Living room


The loft from above

The loft from below

Dining Room

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The Great Divorce


Yes, I borrowed the title from C. S. Lewis, and no this does not have anything to do with his book. Shortly after reading my last blog on Holy Tradition, I “skyped” with my parents about some of my observations. Mom was a little perturbed that we did not have many family traditions (perhaps more so that I had confessed this publically) and so we began to discuss why this lack of tradition existed. After about twenty minutes of conversation, mom blurted out, “It’s because we all came from broken homes, split by divorce.” That gave me pause and I thought long about it and its application to my analogy to Church tradition.

It is true. Divorce breaks tradition. It was true in the Great Schism at the turn of the last millennium when the East split fellowship with the West. It was true of the Reformation when the Protestants broke fellowship with the Catholics. It is true of family tradition and the home. It seems the more the Church splinters and fractures, the more tradition is lost over time. Having suffered through a divorce last year myself (yes, it’s taken me this long to actually admit and talk about it), I am more than familiar with the dynamics of this fragmentation. 

I strived to maintain what semblance of family I could despite the change. Family counseling emphasized the importance of offering security to the children with comments such as, “We are still a family; we just look different now.” I think that was sound advice which helped me to overcome some of the humiliation and disappointment I felt. The natural tendency in a divorce is to eliminate all symbols of prior unity as they can invoke painful memories or to complicate matters by blaming each other for poor decision making. The blame game tears away at the security of the children and forces them to choose sides and allegiances. 

The Church has been guilty of the same predilections. Certain traditions remind us of abuse, conflict or infidelity and we push against the tradition instead of the infraction. It is understandable. But is it productive or healthy? Traditions provide purpose and continuity which in turn offers a sense of belonging and security to those who take part. 

In my last blog, I identified a particular Thanksgiving that made me feel security and belonging more than any other. In thinking more about that day I recalled several – shall we say unorthodox – details. We were with my father’s family. Both his mother and father had been divorced since my dad’s early childhood. I knew my grandmother and her husband well. I had met my grandfather and his wife on several occasions. I had never seen them in the same place. But what made this Thanksgiving so memorable was the fact that for some odd reason we were all together.  I knew there was tension. I could feel it even at the young impressionable age of eight. The tension was a result of old wounds long buried. What made it bearable was the fact that we were there for a common purpose. We all contributed in some manner to the identity that was our family.  
  
I am halfway through my degree program at Denver Seminary. I have never seen such diversity in beliefs and practices as I do in this place. Yet, in spite of our differences we learn to love one another, often forced to reconcile and work out our differences in an attitude of tolerance. But the one thing that surpasses all our differences is the fact that we are all present in One Name, being like-minded, and desiring to serve the Church and God’s people. The common purpose of this spiritual family to foster identity to our fellow believers in the body of Christ forces us to set aside our differences and celebrate traditions together.

There may be “irreconcilable differences” and relationships may be “irretrievably broken,” but the commonality of purpose to serve our God and His children bonds us together in a manner that can never be severed. Certain traditions may create tension or be uncomfortable, yet the attempt at unity serves the members in a way we may not be able to understand. As much as we hate to admit it, the disjunction of our brokenness is a cause of grief to the Holy Spirit who strives to bring us together in unity.

I observed my grandmother and grandfather as they tolerated one another that Thanksgiving twenty something years ago and I have cherished that day because they both sacrificed their pride and pain for a greater good. As I move forward with my life and attempt to provide stability and love to my children, I am convicted to sacrifice elements of my own pride and pain in order to meet their emotional needs and foster their identity in this family – no matter how broken it may be.  I exhort the Church to do the same. There is much pain we have caused one another through our errors and fallen natures, but we are admonished in Scripture to strive for unity in light of diversity.  
  
“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call—one Lord, one faith, one baptism, One God and Father of all, who [is] above all, and through all, and in you all.” Ephesians 4:1-6

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Holy Tradition

Wherefore I write boldly to your love, which is worthy of God, and exhort you to have but one faith, and one preaching, and one Eucharist. For there is one flesh of the Lord Jesus Christ; and His blood which was shed for us is one; one loaf also is broken to all, and one cup is distributed among them all; there is but one altar for the whole Church, and one bishop, with the presbytery and deacons, my fellow-servants. Since, also, there is but one unbegotten Being, God, even the Father; and one only-begotten Son, God, the Word and man; and one Comforter, the Spirit of truth; and also one preaching, and one faith, and one baptism; and one Church which the holy apostles established from one end of the earth to the other by the blood of Christ, and by their own sweat and toil; it behooves you also, therefore, as “a peculiar people, and a holy nation,” to perform all things with harmony in Christ.
St Ignatius of Antioch, Epistle to the Philadelphians, 4.1
                
 I saw Ignatius today. That is what I considered titling this blog when I wrote my first draft. Another option that occurred to me was, “How a Pentecostal girl turns Anglican.” Under the circumstances I figured that would draw more negative attention than convey the true essence of which I intended to write.  
Thanksgiving approaches, and with it an entire season of celebration and the implementation of tradition. The concept of tradition carries a variety of connotations and emotions for people. I realized several years ago that I had few traditions with which to mark events in my life. This Thanksgiving I am reminded once more of the reality of this tendency. It is certainly not for lack of want. It is simply the byproduct of a mobile lifestyle. Growing up in a foreign culture on the mission field was not conducive to the installation of tradition. In fact, I recall rarely making a big deal of Thanksgiving since it was not a Brazilian holiday. We commemorated the occasion amongst our small community of fellow missionaries, but the season was not surrounded by the corporal atmosphere of nationalistic pride which characterizes its celebration in the United States.
                
 Each year I listen to friends describe their plans and hopes for the holiday season, always including some form of tradition. “We all get together and play football” or “We eat this food” and “We meet at this place.” I recall at one point having family traditions. One year we came home to California on furlough and spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins. I loved every minute of it. We gorged on a magnificent spread of food, ate more pumpkin pie than I care to admit, watched football, and my favorite – cribbage tournaments. I can still hear the rhythm of the count, 15-2, 15-4, a pair for 6 and nobs is 7! Everyone was involved; card tables abounded. The echoes of many of those voices have faded away. Grandparents have passed on, aunts and uncles drifted apart; cousins and siblings carry on their own lives and travel different paths. I long for the connection of tradition and the foundation and stability it profers, the esoteric link to the past and the lineage of generations. Certainly I do not loathe the familial solitude of my upbringing, but now as an adult, I recognize the validity and importance of tradition.
                
 I believe the same can be said of the Holy Traditions of the Church. Tradition offers to us a unique understanding of our heritage in the Church and an inseverable link to centuries of existence. I grew up Pentecostal, Foursquare to be exact. We did not profess much tradition in the form of liturgy or prayer. We were a young denomination, comparatively speaking. Founded in the 1920’s by Aimee Semple McPherson, we were considered new and fresh – a Holy Spirit breathed movement of the 20th century. We were one of many such denominations emerging during that era. We, along with many of our sister movements, brought a refreshing breeze to Christendom and to the Church. We were instruments of infusing power to a developing core. But as is the nature of many new traditions, we did not receive the acceptance of our family, nor did we strive to maintain ties to the established traditions that would foster the longevity of a 2000 year old influence in the world. Over time, we drifted apart.
                 
This last year I have been exploring the Anglican Church. At first I kept my distance, observing her movements and patterns from afar. As time progressed and I slowly grew enamored with her mind and mannerisms, I felt comfortable getting closer. Many stereotypes dissolved in the wake of my exploration. Such notions as, liturgy is dead, the Spirit cannot move in this format, there is no sincerity in prayer, and the like plagued my uninformed perception of this tradition. What I witnessed left me truly astounded. There is charisma, and not just the docile, pleasant sort. There are prophecies. There are tongues and interpretations. There are words of wisdom and knowledge. There is faithfulness of the brethren, the miraculous, and healing – so much healing; and not just the physical kind. There is healing of minds and souls alike. I am amazed at the connection between my formative expressions of faith and those of this much older tradition, and I am fulfilled.
                
Sometimes I feel that my affinity for holistic thought is a curse. Some may not think it quite a curse, but it is indeed a curse when you posses an inclination to step back and see the interconnectivity in the body of Christ and the deep, profound impact the various expressions and tasks of the members perform for one another, all the while hostile and ignorant of each other’s similarity and unity. I see the Anglican tradition and her connectivity to the past, through liturgy, prayer, and longevity as the heart of Christendom. Yet what is the heart, without the lungs that give it renewed life? I see the Holiness and Pentecostal movements of the last two centuries as being the lungs of the body. We are so interdependent, yet strive for independence as we neglect the function we serve for one another. 

As I gaze at the development of the Church over the centuries I cannot help but see a correlation derived from the development of human life. We begin so small, so seemingly insignificant, fighting for life, and cleaving to the womb for sustenance. The explosive nature of the early Church which defied all logic closely parallels the rapid cell division following conception. After this the brain and nervous system begin the journey to maturation. We see this process in the early and middle ages as philosophers and theologians flexed their intellectual capabilities in support of the life of the Church. The last phase in the development of fetal growth is that of the lungs as they prepare for aspiration. And aspire, we did. But as with all first aspirations of life, there was fear and initial outcry as we fought to explore this renewed air we did not understand. As we have moved through the course of the last century, we have adapted well to that air which we breathe – the very Holy Spirit and the gifts He imparts to us.

In writing this, I do not mean to discount other sects of the Christian faith. I only focus on these two as a means to depict their interworking effects on one another in the body. I am excited for the implications of this new phase of life in the Church. However, we must be cautious not to forget the road we have traveled and the men and women who have contributed to our development in the installation of these Holy Traditions we still possess today. Just as our holiday traditions give us stability and connectivity to past generations, so also does Holy Tradition provide the same in our family of believers. Often we do not even realize the absence of this connection until we are exposed to it or see it in the lives of others. I have experienced the artistry of tradition and relish its presence in my spiritual walk and the unity it forges with generations passed.  The Eastern Orthodox Church has a beautiful articulation of the dimensions of time through which we transcend in tradition.
“It is an act that appears to be within time (and surely is so in the normal sense of the word) but is more truly an experience that has moved the believers outside time, into the continuous present, that dominion over time which the Lord’s presidency over his church’s worship effects and constitutes within history; thereby transcending it. To this extent, the generation of present believers is one with the generation of first believers. As we celebrate [Holy Traditions] in the 21st century of the world’s history, a door opens, in an upper room in an inn within a village called Emmaus…When the faithful receive the mysteries, they have entered beyond time and space into a communion with the Lord of history, one which is the prelude and prefigurement of their future union in Paradise.” [1]   
                 
As we enter this season that abounds with tradition – the type of tradition that sets us apart, instills deep roots and foundational truths concerning our identity – may we also cherish deeply the Holy Traditions of the Church that unite us throughout the ages into one body. Through the expression of tradition may we transcend time to stand alongside our fathers in the faith, forever linked in the Spirit at the foot of the cross.  Today I saw Ignatius, Theresa, Augustine, Gregory and a multitude of others who stood in God’s presence uttering similar sentiments in prayer:
           Almighty Father, whose blessed Son before his passion prayed for his disciples that they might be one, even as thou and he are one; Grant that thy Church, being bound together in love and obedience to thee, may be united in one body by the one Spirit, that the world may believe in him whom thou didst send, the same thy Son Jesus Christ our Lord; who liveth and reigneth with thee, in the unity of the same Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.[2]
           O Almighty God, who by the Holy Spirit hast made us one with thy saints in heaven and on earth: Grant that in our earthly pilgrimage we may ever be supported by this fellowship of love and prayer, and may know ourselves to be surrounded by their witness to thy power and mercy. We ask this for the sake of Jesus Christ, in whom all our intercessions are acceptable through the Spirit, and who liveth and reigneth for ever and ever. Amen.[3]



[1] John Anthony McGuckin, The Orthodox Church, (Oxford, UK: Blackwell Publishing, Ltd, 2008).
[2] The Book of Common Prayer (New York: Seabury Press, 1979), 204.
[3] Ibid., 199.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Summer Update

This morning I logged into FB to be greeted by a reminder of what I posted on this day in 2010. My status update was, “Orientation Day at Denver Seminary! Here we go!” I must say with complete satisfaction that I have finished my first year at Denver Seminary and survived.  It was a difficult year; not academically, but personally. Of course the personal trials affected my academics, but I managed to stay afloat.  I suffered through the loss of several relationships due to death, distance, deployment, and the like. These losses however, were not wasted. 


I have long lacked the ability to process grief well, often opting for busyness or distraction over the discomfort of acknowledgment. This year was different. I have many close friends, family and mentors that helped me to process the disappointment and failures, mourning them while maintaining forward movement. I was shocked by the paralyzing effects of grief and greatly appreciative of the people in my life that demanded growth despite pain. The majority of disruption occurred shortly after the New Year. I spent my Lent season enmeshed in the book of Lamentations and remorsefully laid to rest, my sadness. My goal was to end this time of retrospection, and begin to move forward once more by Easter as a symbol of new beginnings. I made the transition somewhat awkwardly, but efficiently. The most difficult part was cultivating healthy characteristics of introversion. I am naturally an extrovert and gravitate to projecting and processing my emotions with others. This time I needed to take responsibility for my thoughts and feelings and process them for myself, albeit with guidance from trusted individuals close to me.


It is amazing the difference in the level of stress and anger when pain is processed well.  The healing offered through the disciplines of stillness and silence led me to a greater understanding of the character of Christ as he frequently withdrew to be alone. I am convinced that his actions during these moments were due to the weight of grief that accompanies a fallen world. The comfort of the Spirit and mentorship of the Father were instrumental in his ability to confront the pain of this world. This has led me to a greater appreciation for the people God has placed in my life to offer comfort and mentoring as instruments of His grace. Lord knows, I am undeserving of such affection, and yet He freely gives it. The thought of that alone overwhelms me with gratitude.


By summer I was recovering well and taking steps to create additional networks and friends. This was greatly enriching in that I was able to not only receive healing, but also to minister out of my pain and experience. That aspect is truly redemptive of many misfortunes we may suffer in life. I am beginning to grasp God’s purposes accomplished through suffering and the path that is traveled from brokenness to wholeness. My course work for the summer entailed two Old Testament classes that spoke often of suffering and God’s intervention and redemption to repentant hearts. And so my summer was consumed with acknowledging and taking ownership of my failures and mistakes in life, repenting of them, and allowing God the pleasure of molding these circumstances for His purpose. Of course, He was already working these things out for His purposes so it was more a matter of perspective and submission on my part to His plan.


As my summer comes to a close I am pleased with what God has accomplished in my character over the course of the last year. My goal for this fall is to make some of the necessary transitions into increased responsibility for decision making in the areas of finance, occupation, and relationships. I am working through Townsend and Cloud’s Safe People to both become a safer person and invest in friendships with safe people.


The summer was not all hardship and heaviness. The children and I had a lot of fun taking advantage of the outdoors and staying active. Naomi has turned into quite the cyclist and is a great pace setter for my runs. Declan enjoys the rides in his stroller and gives me quite the workout, especially when we hit hills. They are quite the training team and have contributed greatly to my 5K race times this year. I am hoping to increase the physical challenge a bit this next year. I have a half marathon planned for January and am looking into starting some aquathlons. I love swimming and running, but am not a huge fan of cycling or else I would contemplate triathlons. (I have had a slight aversion to anything with two wheels after a motorcycle mishap 11 years ago. I’ll ride with Naomi and Declan at their pace, but that’s about it. Maybe I’ll work on that fear next year.)   


I tried to work on a few decorating projects over the summer. I redecorated my entire bedroom and turned it into something of a reading conclave. It is a peaceful retreat where I look forward to comfortably reading more. I updated Naomi’s room with a few girly odds and ends, throw rugs, pillows, and pictures. Now that Declan has shown interest in themes I have updated his room to reflect his interests – Toy Story and a little bit of Cars. The next project on my list is remodeling the master bath – a daunting task. Some builder decided it was a bright idea to put carpet in the bathroom. Ugh! I have hated it for the last 7 years and am finally making plans to do something about it. After that I will tackle the front and back yard landscaping. I am definitely going to need help on that, since I have absolutely NO green thumb whatsoever.

Bedroom Project

My Reading Nook

A Trip to IKEA

My Little Library
Wall Art by Me (Clearly a novice)




























I am very excited about my course load this upcoming semester.  After fifteen years of wanting to learn Hebrew (ever since my trip to Israel), I am finally getting to do so. I had selected Hebrew as my desired language upon entering the Air Force, but they rarely assign you accordingly. I was assigned Russian while a friend of mine received Hebrew. She was greatly disappointed after finding out so I had offered at the time to trade with her (the AF allows this), but alas, after seeing my enthusiasm she decided to keep it.  It has all worked out for the better. Now I will get to learn it anyway and have Russian to boot! I am looking forward to my Theology course. I spent last year knocking out the basic requirements of my degree program in Theology, but did not actually get to take a Theology class. I am also looking forward to a course in Teaching and Education since this is likely the path I will take when my degree program is complete. I can articulate my ideas well enough in writing, but when it comes to vocalizing a defense I am somewhat timid. I am looking forward to some increased confidence in this area, but am trying not to set my expectations too high. My remaining course is an exegesis of Romans. Fortunately I spent the summer already translating Romans so have a slight jump on the course and can focus more on the theological aspects of the book.

First Day of 3rd Grade
Naomi started third grade last week and absolutely loves it! I recall third grade being my favorite year as well. I really developed a love of math that year and Naomi has expressed similar affinities. She continues to love art and I try to encourage her to pursue that. She likes basketball and is getting pretty good at making shots. This year she also decided she wanted to try horseback riding so I am looking into that possibility. Naomi turns 9 in March, which is the recommended age for beginner snowboarders, so we will definitely be carving out some time to hit the slopes and get her going on that. She has great muscle definition and I am foreseeing will pick it up quickly and be a natural!   





What a Character!
Declan loves, loves, loves singing and is starting to talk/sing nonstop. I don’t know when he finds time to breathe. I enjoy our little conversations and listening to his paragraphs of gibberish that are slowly beginning to take on some form of coherency.  He loves his daycare/school and teachers. They are a great group of caretakers/educators and communicate very well with all the parents about the children’s developments and challenges. Declan is an avid climber and will climb on any and everything in sight. This of course means lots of tumbles and bruises – all part of being an adventurous little boy. I have stopped fretting over every fall and have embraced the fact that trips to Urgent Care are inevitable. At least we’re not on a first name basis.

I had hoped to include some positive news on the job front in this blog, but unfortunately that will need to wait for the next update. I am currently awaiting news on a contract bid I placed for a position as a Religious Education Coordinator for the Air Force. The contract has not yet been awarded and should be decided any day now. I try not to think about it too much or my stomach starts to tie up in knots. I continue to write in my spare time and published my first article titled “The Missions’ Apprentice” for Christ for the Nations’ (Dallas, TX) magazine. It was exciting to see my words in print and I look forward to future opportunities in publishing my work.  School tends to absorb most of my writing effort and so I frequently update my blog with some of my papers. I have joined several theology networks and look forward to participating more actively with them as I write more in this area for school.


Well, that’s about it for news right now. I appreciate your prayers as I face many new challenges this year. Thanks for stopping by and reading my blog.


Blessings,

Debbie