I Want to Be Like Who

I missed blogging last week. I was sick. Icky sick. Tonsillitis sick. Or some such nonsense. It was miserable. 3 days of fever and it's still hard to swallow 6 days later. Takes me a really long time to eat stuff. In fact, that's why I'm blogging right now. I'm trying to eat and I got bored chewing my food incessantly. With all my down time if I wasn't sleeping, I was reading. I read more on acedia, which is kind of a dumb idea while sick. You feel lethargic to begin with and to pile conviction of unproductiveness on top of that just compounds the guilt. Guilt was short-lived however, when I came across an interesting quote.

"True sloths are not revolutionaries, but the lazy guardians at the gate of the status quo."

I wrote last year on several aspects of the status quo that I frequently encounter, but there are many others. I realized quickly that my frequent confrontations with the status quo pretty much negate any suspicion of slothfulness. I'm a pretty hard worker and downright revolutionary in some circles!

The weekend before last I took a trip down to Mexico with my rotary group to volunteer in a housebuilding project. I enjoyed it immensely. I learned a ton about building a house and hammered more nails than I could possibly count (my forearms reminded me for days after). I was amazed at how much we accomplished in 9 hours. I was also amazed at how much fun I had working on a roof. I was a little nervous at first, but adjusted quickly. I'm not afraid of heights exactly; I'm afraid of falling. There's a difference. Anyway, fear conquered and mission accomplished (yeah, that's me on the roof there). I got to meet and work alongside some amazing people. I've always enjoyed projects like these as they require physical exertion and time well spent with others. I'm not really the "isolated in a box" sort. That's an understatement. I pretty much wither and die. I've always needed to work with and around people.


I've been picking through episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation for a while now. I watched an episode from season 3 titled Hollow Pursuits that was pretty insightful as to what happens to a human being when they can no longer work with real people due to either intentional isolation and fantasizing or apathy. It's an easy habit to fall into. We fantasize about people all the time.


What should we say?
What should we do?
Wouldn't it be great if...
Oh that person made me so mad!
I should have said this or that!

Relationships and interactions begin to happen within our heads instead of in the real world. Expectations are managed in our heads with nary a word spoken. Arguments begin, climax and end leaving us with the full range of experienced emotions without even a face-to-face encounter.


Barclay, portrayed by Dwight Schultz, takes to spending most of his time on the holodeck rehearsing scenes he'd rather have played out with members of the Enterprise crew. Unfortunately, Barclay can no longer function in the real world. When he attempts to engage with the real crew members he freezes up and recedes into awkward silence. Finally frustrated, he returns again to the holodeck where his expectations and engagements can be managed to his satisfaction. Losing the ability to talk to real people is a shame.  Disengagement or detachment is an immature emotional response to human relational skills we've never taken the time to develop and do not have the courage to pursue. It's new. It's uncomfortable. And inside we're like cowering little children afraid to come out of the closet. As adults it manifests more as poor conflict resolution skills. Conflict's not really something that troubles me though. If I'm thinking something you're going to know about it. But I know people that disengage and detach and it saddens me. It's acquiescing to the status quo. It is a failure to be revolutionary. To be daring. To be bold and courageous. Have I mentioned I don't deal well with the status quo? Nor do I deal well with its slothful guardians. If the only change affected is your own status in the world then there is nothing revolutionary about your endeavors - no matter how noble they may seem. You are merely the status quo.


What an insane notion. Where do I get these ideas? Well, I'd like to think they're christocentric. The only other alternative persona I have for an altruistic individual humbly sacrificing his life for the human race is Who? Doctor, that is. I want to be like Who! Most people want to be a companion, but not this girl. I want to be Who. Because the only way you can be a good companion is by being just like Who. If I'm constantly setting my sites on being like one of the companions I'm never going to be in tune with my Doctor. I think this is an important principle people! Especially when I flip it back to a christocentric approach. I get annoyed when people say things like, "I want to be more like Moses, Abigail, Priscilla, Peter, Abraham,  or Mary." Why? They're just companions. The only reason they were even remotely successful in the parts they played is because they were following their Doctor. They were being Christ-like. Trying to be like just one of other followers is, well, blah. No one cosplays the cosplay. That's just silly. Likewise, you don't become a disciple by following someone else. The only way to become a true disciple is to follow the Master. I remember watching a pastor preach and pray once. Something about him just seemed off and fabricated. A few weeks later I met one of his mentors. I watched the mentor preach and pray and suddenly realized what I was seeing. I was seeing the mentee mimic the mentor instead of being a genuine demonstration of himself. It was almost comical. I see it a lot around me. Not just in ministry, but everywhere. We start sounding like those around us, changing, melding, molding into those we admire. We become collective replicas of one another, kind of like the cybermen. We forget who we are. We forget Who. (Ok, enough on my Who rant.)

Now back to acedia, sloth and revolutions - I think I'm ok in the grand scheme of things.  I think all my worry about acedia is for nought. I've spent way too much time worrying about appropriate levels of motivation, ambition, and drive only to realize that their focus was the very path towards acedia in the first place. Acedia is not merely inactivity; it is the often overlooked practice of being overly busy with the wrong things. Being busy with things about which we are not passionate or gifted. Acedia distracts us from our purpose in life, the role we should be playing for personal and spiritual growth and fulfillment. Acedia breeds boredom and discontent with everything. I've said it many times, but I guess I need to say it again to remind myself. My purpose and calling in life doesn't change. My roles and responsibilities may grow and change as life changes, but the underlying theme that gives me meaning doesn't change. And that is reassuring. If the source of our purpose and meaning is alterable, then it's not legitimate to begin with. However, if we perchance misinterpret our meaning and that alters, well then, that can generate an outright existential crisis. You don't want that.

I've thoroughly enjoyed my ongoing study into acedia. It has aided me in refocusing on the things in life that do indeed motivate me and drive my ambition. And just in time too! I've got family coming in town next week and I need to get stuff around here ready. Well, that's about all I've been up to the last 2 weeks offblog. Got a new piece coming soon on monkeys, man, and management. I realize this blog was a little helter-skelter, but I'm just going to blame it on my physical discomfort. I'm just glad I wrote it.

House of Mirrors

"The mountains and hills may crumble, but my love for you will never end." Isaiah 54:10

I read this verse tonight. I found it to be well timed. I think it is easy to forget why one has faith. We are bombarded day in and day out with logical reasons we do not necessarily need faith or God. There is an explanation for everything. And while those explanations do not negate the existence of God, they can at times diminish our dependence or need of God.

Love always reminds me of the reason why I so desperately need my faith in Him. It is the one area for me that is completely irrational, illogical, and unscientific. It begins. It thrives. It tapers. It dies. For a being to exist that can make an absolute statement such as everlasting love? Well, I need that being in my life. I need faith in that. I need to know what that looks like. What that feels like. But it isn't just for me. I need to know these things not just as a recipient. I need to know so I can be a giver as well.

One thing I have realized over time is that brokenness begets brokenness. We have all been hurt at one time or another. We have all been neglected, ignored, mistreated, abused, forsaken, and abandoned. If we know nothing else then this is all we are capable of mimicking in return. Even in light of lofty ideals we are incapable of actualizing those ideals without some sort of practical application or demonstration. The only way we are capable of expressing love is because we have been loved.

Were I to love others in only the fashion in which I have been loved by those that have crossed my path in life, I'd be a pretty shoddy lover. That isn't to say that I have not been loved. But it is to say that none of us are capable of loving perfectly. The end result is that we are always going to hurt others both purposefully and accidentally. It will happen. It is extremely distasteful when people fail to realize or admit they are broken and that in their brokenness they inevitably hurt others. I don't know how others function, but I can't work with that. However, to hear an admission of imperfection... Aha! That I can work with.

There is a tremendous amount of weight that lifts from my chest when I remove the burden of endless love from those around me and let it rest on the shoulders of the only being capable of such infinite expression. There is freedom to give without the unrealistic expectation of perfect reciprocity. I am no longer attempting to mirror someone else's love; I am channeling a source of infinite love. Of course that does not mean I am capable of demonstrating perfect love. Because, guess what? I'm broken too. And while I am unable to love perfectly, I can at least do more than join the house of chaotic mirrors that perpetually distorts reality.

If all we ever do is mirror love, the world would be a dark and desolate place. And some days really are faint and lonely. Even in the presence of many who love, it can seem like a barren wilderness. Yet for me, the knowledge of the existence of perfect love by a perfect being makes that wilderness bearable.  The more we learn to redirect our expectations from the imperfect to the perfect the better we become at caring for one another.  We cease to mirror the brokenness - our own and that of others - and become vessels and conduits of something greater than ourselves. Something infinite. Something perfect. Now that's a lofty ideal. Perhaps irrational, illogical, definitely unscientific. But it's mine. And I love it.

Call to Prayer

"An elderly, sympathetic priest said a saving thing, 'Your typewriter is your alter.'
'I can't go to church. I can't pray.' I said.
'Your poems are your prayers. Come on back to the typewriter,' he said." ~Anne Sexton

I love this.

I think my faith is a lot like a sine wave. It peaks and plummets. I go through highs. I go through lows. Neither really bother me. I know they are temporary. I am in a trough at the moment - the valley Anne depicts.

I can't go to church.
I can't pray.

I am thankful for the words of that priest. I realized after reading those words that I do pray. I pray often. Others will not always see it. I write notes to myself. I journal for myself alone. And I write here. I pray. I take great comfort in that thought.

More of us go through these phases than we will admit. For some reason we fear reproach. I would say we shouldn't, but that would be a lie. We should fear reproach, because it happens. People are mean, unforgiving, and ignorant. They do not know the heart, the thoughts, the internal agony that brings one to this place. If they could understand, they would know to sit in silence with the tormented instead of lend their voices to the cacophony.

I have met numerous individuals over the last few years who arrive at this place. They live in fear of others finding out where they are.

"What do you mean you're not on the mountain top of ecstasy?!"

"You missed a Sunday of church attendance?!"

"You want to take a break from leadership?"

Poor unfortunate soul. How can I heap guilt and shame on you to complicate this journey you're on?

I tend to ignore the interrogations. They are never helpful. It's a process. When I have questions of my own I will ask. When I need help working through an issue or wading through a rough patch in my faith I reach out for help. I have an excellent network for this. It just takes the initiative on my part. I'm not worried about it. I'll get there. I may work at a slower pace than someone else would be comfortable with, checking out scenery and picking daisies, but I'm moving.

One thing we forget is that the ascent is always harder and slower than the descent. Some of this just won't pray away in a day, a week, a month, or even a year. When I run downhill I can usually hit a 6:30 min per mile pace. Running back up that same hill, we're looking more at 8:30. You get the point.

I feel sorry for people who try to get through these times on their own or more so who feel that they have to in order to avoid an onslaught of guilt, shame, and persecution. I'm not that prideful. Anymore. And to be frank, I don't care what your uphill/downhill pace is. I'm running my own race. Your encouragement is appreciated though. If you feel the need, throw a prayer my way. I never turn down road support.

Putting Lipstick on the Pig

I had someone ask me awhile ago to write a blog on marriage. I have no idea why. I hardly consider myself an authority on the topic. Unless a subject matter expert entails having a history of failure. Oh wait. It does. Excellent. I'm an expert.

Today an engaged friend questioned whether or not she should even get married. She couldn't understand why one would bother. Then she thought she was getting cold feet. I explained to her that she was not getting cold feet and that maybe the reason we so frequently question the appropriateness of the institution is because something inside of us senses there is something innately wrong with it. Now before you think I'm heading in a marriage bashing direction, I assure you, I am not. I merely want to inquire into the nature of what exactly we think marriage is or is not. And of course, you're going to get a piece of my mind, which is never really set in stone; it's just where I happen to be in my thought process at that particular moment.

So let's start with what we know marriage is. Marriage is a covenant between two parties. Correct! Next question: what is a covenant? A covenant is a legal agreement between two or more parties. Nice! So far so good. We're well on our way. Moving on. Historically covenants were typically treaties between parties to protect against war and division. Biblically, covenants were both the treaties between people groups and the added agreements between God and humans. What covenants do we find in the Bible? Adamic, Noahic, Abrahamic, Palestinian, Mosaic, Davidic, and New. Interesting fact about these covenants. They all have one thing in common - sin. They are all a means to survive and live in a fallen and sinful world. Covenants are a means to protect and guard people from being wronged, hurt or abused. They exist because we are fallen. What does this mean for marriage? Marriage exists because we are fallen. It is a legal agreement between parties that serves as a protection from the abuses of each other. It doesn't protect you from anything external to your relationship. It's not some sort of mystical guardrail to all that is wrong about sexuality. As such, the covenant itself is not threatened by anything external to the relationship. The only thing that can threaten your marriage is YOU. That is all you have power over. Nothing else. No one else.

Marriage exists because we sin against each other. We hurt, abuse, neglect, and dominate one another.  In light of this continual sinning against our fellow humans we needed the institution of a covenant. Enter marriage stage right. Exit edenic freedom and the fullness of relationship.

OMG. What just happened?

I deconstructed marriage. You're welcome. Now let's reconstruct. Trust me. It'll be fine. I've been doing this since I was kid - taking apart toys and putting them back together. If it doesn't work then it was a poorly constructed toy to begin with and our toy box will be better off without it. Certainly safer.

Let's look at what we have now. Marriage is a covenant instituted to protect humans from one another because we're a sinful lot and we needed a system set in place to keep us from killing each other. Yeah. Pretty much. Is that a leap? Nope. How do I know? Because it won't exist in eternity. Just like every other covenant instilled throughout biblical history, marriage goes bye bye. Why? Because we won't have sexual relationships anymore? Doubt that's it. The human capacity for sexuality precedes any fallen state as does the divine directive to be fruitful, multiply, and replenish the earth.

OMG! Sex in heaven? What just happened again?! Just kidding. That's not what I said. I'm merely pointing out that, as humans, we have the capacity for reproduction and sexuality. I'm not even going to get into the "like the angels" bit, because scripturally that just supports my point further.

Anyway, moving on. Marriage did not exist as an institution until after the fall and not even in the form of a covenant until the Mosaic covenant. Before that it was just a legal agreement to define the parameters of one's property. If that doesn't reek of fallenness I don't know what does. Property?! It's only taken us several thousands of years to come to terms with this tidbit of truth: People are not property. While we may agree with that statement, we still struggle with this notion as we fight the atrocities of human trafficking. Clearly we do not condone slavery of any kind. We've fought the battle for human equality for centuries. Yet it persists. How? Because we're fallen! We do jacked up things to each other. We're selfish. We're greedy. We're prideful. We sin against each other. We break the terms of our contract. We divorce. God hates divorce not because of divorce itself but because of the path it takes to get there. God hates our mistreatment of one another.

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage because marriage itself is defined by our propensity towards sin. If we were perfect and without sin then marriage would not exist. But we're not. And it does. Now before you damn me and my thoughts to the ever burning inferno of bad ideas, let's sort out the good here.

Marriage is our best attempt to treat each other well in light of our fallen natures. There's nothing salvific about marriage. Your sex isn't any better than anyone else's because of it. Your kids aren't better parented because you have a legal and binding contract. There is nothing about the institution of marriage or any of the ideas surrounding it that can damage the reality of your marriage. Legal contract aside, you are in a relationship with another human being and you are to treat each other well, with respect, with love, with honor, cherishing, treasuring, etc. THAT is what it boils down to. Nobody else's practice of marriage differing from yours can affect your marriage. Because it's not about the institution people! It's about how you treat each other.

Simmer down on the cake baking ridiculousness. Call off the new civil war watchdogs and alarmists. And maybe just try and focus on loving your partner. Because that's the earth shattering change that will make the difference. To make the focus of the debate about the institution instead of the relationship is to turn marriage into an idol. You're not caring about your husband or your wife; you're caring about your perceived status symbol - your picture perfect property with white picket fence and 2.5 kids. The only thing that can wreck your marriage is YOU. I know. I did it. I'm an expert.

Beers, Baths, and Beauty Sleep

I meant to get to my 500 words a lot earlier today, but alas, it did not happen. Life got busy. I'm not really stuck on the 500 words bit. I just have to cultivate a habit here. Between work, basketball games, T-Ball tryouts, updating kids' vaccines, meals (I think there were meals in there - did I forget to eat?) running, and whatever else popped up, there just wasn't enough time in the day. Oh yes, and I also had to outfit Declan for his TBall debut. Glove, cleats, bat, baseball, etc. He wouldn't take the cleats off after we got home so I let him wear them until bedtime. It was cute. Made all the rushing around today worth it.

I read a bit more from Acedia & Me. I was particularly fond of Thomas Aquinas' recommendation to cure the malady - a hot bath, a glass of wine, and a good night's sleep. That, my friends, is a man after my own heart. I'm pretty sure that's the homeopathic cure for all that ails. Leave it to one of the most brilliant philosophical and theological minds of the millennium to come up with something so basic. Of course, if it was that simple I'd have a lot of friends out of a job. Pretty sure there's an entire industry that thrives off unhealthy minds. And let me tell you, that medication is quite a bit pricier than a bottle of wine and few gallons of hot water. Nonetheless, I shall give it a try one of these days when I feel plagued by lethargy or an onslaught of The Noonday Demon. In fact, I'm going to try it right now! Only with a beer instead of wine. I'm out of wine.


I read an article today about atheists being killed off in Bangladesh. I found that heartbreaking. Everyone raises a stink when their own group is persecuted, but for some reason no one seems to care that other human beings are being slaughtered under the very same guise of "we think our belief system is the best." If you think about it, it should be the exact opposite. If we believe our system is ingrained in truth then doesn't it make sense that death of our own is not a thing to fear? I mean really. We're all going to die anyway - at least we believe we're going to a better place, or a better time, or a better dimension, or whatever. The death of others, however, if not part of your belief system, are destined to go somewhere a lot worse. Right? So why are we killing them?!? Knock it off! Well, to be fair, it wasn't Christians doing the hacking. It was Muslims. But knock it off all the same! My best friend is an atheist. I would not take kindly to anyone hacking her up. My best advice to those perturbed by atheists - get to know one. And by that I mean closer than glaring at them down the end of your nose, or chainsaw.

Ok, enough on that rant. I need to get my beer, bath, and beauty sleep going. Thanks Aquinas!

Gravity, Motion, and Perpetuity

"You know what you gotta do when life gets you down? Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming..." ~Dory, Finding Nemo

There's something to be said for efficacy and the perpetuity of motion. Standing still, conceptually, is not an option. Stillness leads to chaos, fragmentation, and disassociation. Think of gravity. Gravity exists because of continual motion. We adhere, orient, and balance in a constant state of motion. The inclination of disorientation is to stop and stand still, but I fail to see a single law of nature that supports this practice. We think of rest as the cessation of motion, but it is more realistically the constancy and normality of motion. So when life gets chaotic, just keep moving. Moving forward, moving on, moving up.

It's been 8 months since I last wrote. That's bad. I've missed it. The more time that passes, the harder it is to find any form of internal motivation. External force is needed to overcome the inertia of inactivity. The resistance would have felt much less awkward had I simply maintained forward motion, regardless of how little. Bad things happen when motion ceases. Fusion dwindles. Matter collapses. Gases combust. Stars explode. Destruction ensues.

Ok, it wasn't all that bad, but it has been ridiculously hard to write as I have not made the discipline a priority. So this is me, applying a little force to get things up and running again. I imagine there's a recommended minimum to how much I should write to be productive.

500 words.

A day.

I'm at 250.

This is lethargically painful. Must get through it. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.

Life doesn't really have me down per say, but I like quoting Dory. She makes me smile. I have felt somewhat unproductive lately and I need to kick that or at the very least discern its veracity. Sometimes I beat myself up unnecessarily because I interpret change or unmet expectations as failure. Sometimes true. Sometimes not. Change of motion always elicits resistance. It doesn't make it negative - just different.

I've been reading Kathleen Norris' Acedia & Me. I find it comforting to read the account of another writer's struggle with motivation and hope. I'm only a few chapters in, yet her explanation thus far of the malady invokes fear of the ensuing despair that so frequently accompanies it. Left to simmer too long and acedia can lead to the onset of depression. I'm not fond of that idea. I've been binge watching science shows on Netflix as well. Hence, the cosmic pondering of motion and change.

100 words to go.

I'm making changes. Little ones. I'm sitting here writing. I've changed my workout routine. I've modified the kids' schedules a bit. Made more time, precious little, for reading. But it doesn't have to be big; it just has to be something. The changes are to prevent stalling or burning out. They maintain motion. And motion is good. Motion fuses, coalesces, orients.

Enough of me bleeding on paper. I do have topics I intend to address. Some of them serious. Some of them not. I figure a week or two of icebreaking tidbits and I'll get into the heavy stuff. But for now, this is just me trying to amalgamate.

Weightless

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matt. 11:28-30

My dive buddy recently had a revelation of weightlessness that changed the way he dives. Due to poor instruction (not his current instructor or dive shop) he was severely overweighted for diving. Instead of focusing on my buddy's specific needs for weighting, the instructor had burdened him with unnecessary loads and created an atmosphere of undue effort and fatigue that plagued his every move. At the end of a dive day he found himself exhausted and physically pained by the strain of exertion. By assessing his specific needs (body composition, wetsuit thickness, air consumption, and swimming patterns) my dive buddy was able to eliminate over 20 lbs. of unneeded diving weights. After his first unladen dive, he was amazed at how great he felt and how much more he enjoyed the dive.

Peak performance buoyancy is a sought after skill in diving. Upper and lower echelons of divers are distinguished by their proficiency in mastering buoyancy. The desired end-state is to be neutrally buoyant - neither sinking nor floating. Aerospace and scientific diving programs invest billions in designing environments that foster the study of neutral buoyancy. Whether in a Neutral Buoyancy Laboratory (NBL) or in parabolic flight, weightlessness is the desired state.

We think of weightlessness as an effortless state, but it requires much discipline and fine tuning to perfect. A neutrally buoyant state is fine tuned by breathing. When you inhale, you rise. When you exhale, you sink. You control your weightlessness through continual breathing. If you hold your breath at any time, you cease to be neutrally buoyant and you will struggle needlessly to stay in place. I mention in another blog, the comparison of breathing continuously to prayer. The analogy stands. A life navigated through fine tuning is a life governed by prayer.

Weight distribution is another important element of neutral buoyancy. A diver can have the correct amount of weight and if not distributed properly can complicate a dive. Weight distribution varies according to activity. If I want to be in a vertical position to take photographs, I will distribute my weight differently than if I am performing a search and recovery horizontally along the seafloor. Proper weight distribution saves energy and increases focus on the tasks at hand. How I structure and proportion my responsibilities and tasks in life impacts how efficiently I navigate and focus. If I have a disproportionate amount of weight in one area I will find myself off kilter and struggling to remain in the correct orientation for the tasks at hand. If I am carrying too much center weight I will go "belly up" making for an uncomfortable and fatiguing experience. The goal is to adjust your weight for maximum comfort and minimum fatigue. This varies between divers and there is no set formula to follow. We each have different strengths and weaknesses in life. There is no set formula for how to divvy those up. What works for one person will not work for another. We must each distribute weight according to the manner in which we are gifted and empowered for maximum performance. There are times when others look at my weight distribution in life and think it inordinately disproportionate and they would be right, if they were carrying the weight. But my weight is distributed to balance my strengths and weaknesses. When I look for help or a community to "yoke" to, I am looking for those who would help me to balance my strengths and weaknesses without unduly encumbering my journey. Sometimes, due to no fault of their own, people are not weighted properly to accompany my dive. I cannot help carry their burden and they are not weighted to carry mine. And so we seek out those who would facilitate and streamline our load.

Streamlining increases speed and ease of movement by minimizing resistance to the flow of water. Streamlining decreases the amount of energy spent as you swim, makes your kicks more efficient, and minimizes damage to the aquatic environment. Your hoses, gauges, and accessories are all clipped in place and close to your body. Instruments do not swing around kicking up dirt, hitting other divers or elusive to your grasp when needed. Everything is in its proper place.  When we streamline in life we have our gear together and tucked in its proper place. I, by no means, have this perfected. But I do have great family and friends who tell me when I need to straighten my gear out, get my gauges in place and hoses clipped in. I have also been in the uncomfortable position of telling others when they need to get their lives assorted. It has to be done. We hate to admit it, but our protruding issues affect everything around us. We kick up dirt, clouding our vision and all those accompanying us. We inadvertently hit and inhibit other divers. And ultimately we sabotage our own performance. Streamlining is about attention to detail and organization.

Visualization is a key factor in perfecting weightlessness. Envision what you want to do. If you cannot envision it, chances are you will never do it. Vision is essential to accomplishing any goal. When I played basketball, I was taught to envision my shots as I made them; to see them executed flawlessly. When I design products at work, I must see an end result in my head. When I make decisions I must have an internal concept of where that will lead me. Vision is essential to performance, but it is useless if we never act on it. I must envision what I want and then take the steps to actualize it.

And then there is fitness - get rid of the fat. Lean mass sinks meaning less external weight is needed for neutral buoyancy. The fitter you are, the more fine tuned you will be. Fat floats, encumbering the dive and requiring the addition of external weight to make the diver weightless. Not to mix analogies, but think of a hot air balloon flight. We release ballasts to maintain our desired altitude. A controlled weightless flight actually requires careful management of your resources. So whether you are diving or flying, you have to get rid of the excess useless weight.

My favorite book as a child was John Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress. I imagine it was the manner in which Bunyan made the journey of salvation comprehensive to an 8 year old. I read it over and over to myself and then read it to my little sister. I had an illustrated copy and I can still remember all the pictures that accompanied Christian's journey from sin to heaven. The scene at the cross is an image of the pilgrim, Christian, releasing the weight and burden of sin. It falls from his shoulders and tumbles down the hill. Many of us have experienced the release of the burden of sin. It is liberating and freeing. But what use is releasing your weight if you are then incapable of navigating the waters of life? We do no good to others if we are floating and drifting away on the surface while they struggle to pry themselves from the ocean floor. We need neutral buoyancy. We need to be there with them, yet not weighted and hampered by wasted encumbrance. We do not don the weight of sin to be with them. We put on Christ's yoke, his burden, which is weight, but it is not sin; it is the burden of His discipleship. A life of following Christ is not devoid of weight. However, it is a weight designed to make us useful. It is a burden that requires breathing (prayer), weight distribution (organization), streamlining (attention to detail), visualization (vision), and spiritual fitness (trimming the fat).

I am writing this piece, not really because of diving, although it provided a great framework within to work. I am writing this piece because of one of my mother's prayers. I have been burdened lately by stress, emotions, and responsibilities. The weight was disproportionately arranged and I was starting to feel that "belly up" tilt. My mother prayed for "weightlessness." That word has stuck with me and made me think of what it really means to be weightless. We tend to think of weightlessness as an abandonment of all cares and responsibilities, but when you look at it, weightlessness takes a lot of discipline. I think Christians especially are accused of, and often guilty of, living outside of reality and floating in the ethereal regions of spirituality outside the confines of the world in which we were created to live and dwell. We live in a vision of escape and that frequently governs how we live out our lives - in a constant mind set of escape. We think of following Christ as this weightless experience that leads to prosperity and euphoria. We forget to take on the weight and ballast of his discipleship meant to facilitate and streamline our journey. We neglect our spiritual fitness and pile on the fat. Our gear sticks out and damages the environment and others around us. We misinterpret weightless to mean inactive when, in fact, weightlessness is a performance discipline. My mother's prayer was right. I desire to be weightless. I desire to be at my peak performance. That requires a bit of fine tuning in my discipleship. I think I am up for the task.

Note: For a great follow on to this, read on the neurology of weightlessness here.

Nothing To See Here!

My partner said I unnerve people. Apparently not talking when you have nothing important to say around here is a bad thing. Everyone is accustomed to people rambling on about nothing simply for the love of hearing themselves talk. It happens at every meeting I attend. People take an hour to say what should really only take a few minutes tops.

I pointed out the benefits of opining briefly and sporadically. People are so shocked to hear you talk they actually listen to what you have to say. But on the down side that creates an increasing pressure to think you must come up with something brilliant before saying anything. Sometimes people just want to know who you are and what you're about. What makes you human? What makes you like them? What common ground do you have?

This is an intermittent blog to talk about nothing important. I'm learning a new discipline here people! Nothing important happened today. Lots of talk of dirty business and politics. I'm renaming Las Vegas "Dirty DC of the West." I know. It's horrible. But it's true. I spent enough years in DC to recognize cutthroat tactics and corruption. It created just enough paranoia to keep me on my toes. Nobody in this town gets anywhere if they don't know someone or have their hands in someone's pocket or around their throats. Everybody talks. Talk here is crazy. In fact, talking is all they do. I have yet to see anyone follow through and do something they actually say they're going to do. Ok, that's not true. There are a select few who do what they say they're going to do and don't just sit around drinking scotch, smoking cigars and stroking egos. Those people usually end up being my friends and business partners.

Enough about nothing on Las Vegas.

I love the desert. Always have. As long as I'm within driving distance of an oasis that is. Not sure where I developed my affinity for the heat. I assume it had something to do with having a dry sauna growing up. I love the heat. It wasn't really hot in Sao Paulo growing up. But I remember enjoying the poolside naps on the hot concrete. Of course that concrete didn't fry eggs like it does here. I can't even run outside here in the summer. Not because of the heat coming down, but because of the heat radiating up off the ground. My whole body feels like it's melting into the pavement. So I swim more. Lots and lots of swimming. I still run, but only on the treadmill. As soon as the afternoon temps drop below 90F I'll take it outside again. But aside from not being able to run in it, I love the heat. I like the hot nights too. I don't actually live IN Las Vegas. I live 20 miles southeast of Las Vegas so I can't see or hear the city. It is quiet and peaceful. If I wasn't terrified of scorpions, tarantulas, and vinegaroons I'd probably sleep outside every night.

We've got a mountain sheep problem though. They think they own the place. Apparently they do, because it's a huge offense if you actually hit one. And for some reason they're also a tourist attraction. People stop and stare at them for hours. I wonder what goes through sheep brains while we're standing around snapping pictures of them. I'll tell you what goes through their heads - a whole lot of nothing! Like this blog. I apologize if you came here expecting something of substance. Not this time, my friends. This time it's a whole lot of nothing.

Well, not entirely nothing. I am, in fact, working on relieving some of the pressure I feel to always say something important. So consider this my exercise of the week.

Move along.

Nothing to see here.

Messing with the Status Quo

"I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath. Scared to rock the boat and make a mess. So I sat quietly, agreed politely. I guess that I forgot I had a choice. I let you push me past the breaking point. I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything." ~ Katy Perry

I did. I just quoted Katy Perry. Mark your calendars, because it's not likely to happen very often. But it was awfully coincidental that this song came on the radio right after I read an article on the gullibility of Eve. The presented idea was that women are more gullible than men, therefore, incapable of leadership. Dear Katy Perry reminded me from where gullibility originates. I told a co-worker a few months ago that he lacked convictions. He believed in nothing and had no anchor to which to tether. As a result, he believed everything others told him and followed them blindly. It was unfortunate since they were feeding him lie-drenched promises of status and wealth. Gullibility is a result of a lack of convictions. 

There is nothing innate in the makeup of a woman that makes her gullible. Gullibility is a result of ignorance, deception, oppression, and weakness. Gullibility is a result of cultural conditioning by a fallen world. Society has traditionally told women that they are uneducated, subservient, incapable, and weak. In this sense, we have been gullible. We believed it. We lacked convictions. I allowed a person to tell me for years that I was stupid. And I believed it to the point that it became the dominant voice in my head. When I wanted to write, the voice prevented me - you are stupid. When I wanted to go back to school the voice spoke up again - you are stupid. When I would try to discern ministry, vocation, calling, and direction the voice was there - you are stupid. I was gullible. I believed a lie. 

I have read comments and articles about single parents as a drain and burden on society. Many believe that. It is the status quo. I mess with the status quo. I am not a drain on society; I am a contribution. I work. I dream. I create. I serve my God, my family, and my country. I invest. I give. I love. And I tell other individuals that they are capable of the same. The status quo gets blamed for a lot of our failures. When I hear people minimize sin as a result of the status quo I cringe. "All men struggle with this or that" or "All women do this or are incapable of that." To this or that, I wave the BS flag. That's the greatest deception of all and you have been tricked. You are living under the shadow of a curse from which you have been redeemed. 

Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 11:2-4 to the audience of the entire church, men and women. ALL are potentially gullible. Historically, this has been women's area of gullibility: we believe we should not lead, we should not speak, we should not preach, teach, or exercise authority because that is what we have been told. And guess what? We fell for it. We have been deceived. Paul again addresses foolish gullibility in his opening of Galatians 3. I'm not even going to verse 28 (jew/greek, slave/free, male/female) if that's what you thought. The power is in verse 13. Verse 28 is just a result of embracing the truth in verse 13. "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us - for it is written, "Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree." So much rhetoric circulates on the burden of the curse as reasoning for women's disposition. But it's just not true. Verse 28 only becomes reality when you acknowledge the veracity of verse 13. Christ became the curse of the fall for us. He bore the thorns and thistles of a fallen world on his head, the stripes of pain and torment, the nails of oppression. To say that we still live under the burden of the curse is to negate the work of Christ on the cross. You reject Christ and the freedom He brings. You are, in your own gullibility, unredeemed. What a magnificent lie! If only Satan could convince God's people that there were shades of gray in the redemption of Christ to which we are still held in bondage. If only the enemy could convince half the world they were incapable of standing up to him and exercising their voices and dominion over the earth. Wouldn't that be a fantastic ploy?

I hear my fair share of opinions on women in the workplace and its negative impact on the home and I think this is a correlation that does not imply causation. The negative impact on the home is a result of any parent that is absent, mother or father. The breakdown of society began when fathers left the home. The only thing holding it together after that was the fact that mothers stuck around and picked up the slack. So yes, our family infrastructure does ultimately break down when we are pulled more and more out of the home, but only because no one is left - fathers already deuced out. Women are survivors. They are thrivers. Cultures rise and fall on the backs of caretakers, be they male or female. I come from a long line of strong single mothers. I had both my parents, but their mothers and generations before were victims of abandonment. The home does not fall apart because mothers work. The home falls apart because either fathers or mothers neglect the balance and responsibilities of work and home. It is not relevant who goes to work or even if both go to work as long as they are both equally present (emotionally, mentally, and physically) in the home. No one is neglecting their parental responsibilities by working; they are, in fact, fulfilling them. It is important that I instill a good work ethic in my children. It is important that they see me enjoying my work, providing for their needs, and having fun with them. I admit I'm carrying a lot of slack right now. I always have. I understand all too well the value of a helper. But from my perspective I am not the helper. I need help. Families are a lot of work and everyone needs helpers. We are designed for community. And while the family is the most basic unit of community, other methods of community are available and we never need be "alone." I have friends and family who help me out. I have a church and a healthy workplace. I surround myself with people who invest in me and I, in turn, invest in them. They are my helpers and we make it work. 

What is the status quo really? The status quo is the existing state of affairs. The status quo is the idea that we live in a fallen world and must simply put up with and accept the consequences of sin. The status quo is devoid of hope and vision. The status quo never changes. History only ever repeats itself until someone does something different, something drastic, something revolutionary. We commit the same fallacies, worship the same idols, fight the same wars, believe the same lies. It is not until gods become servants and lay down their lives, life conquers death, the powerful humble themselves, and the last become first that a new present exists, a new history, a new future, a new creation. I am not about the status quo. I am all about messing with the status quo.  

I will not live as a victim. I am not gullible, ignorant, or deceived. Bad things have happened in my life. I have felt pain and suffering. I have felt like giving up. But you work through it, you survive, and you thrive. The greatest lie I could believe is that I am at a disadvantage or there is something wrong with me because I am a working mother, a warrior, aggressive, assertive, courageous, the spiritual head of my home, an initiator. There isn't. I did not arrive at these roles by default; they simply are who I am. I am a strong intelligent woman with two insanely gifted children and lots of helpers. I am a leader. I am a speaker, a writer, a teacher, a preacher. I am an encourager, a nurturer, a comforter. I am giddy, goofy, adventurous, and funny - and dang it people like me! I may not be painting elephant toes anytime soon or swinging through the jungle from a vine, but I will be louder than a lion. Why? Because I'm rebellious? Obstinate? Gullible? No. Because I am not easily dissuaded or deceived. I do not live in the shadow of the curse. I am redeemed. I have convictions. I fight for what I believe. I am a champion. And you're going to hear me roar.

Seduced By The Sea

"The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found these dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore." Vincent Van Gogh

Life has been a bit hectic over the last few months. I have been busy working with a friend to get a business we started 3 1/2 years ago off the ground. We founded the company with the hopes of eventually getting around to fully investing in it. At the time (2011) I was in grad school and he was still in the military. Then in April we found ourselves looking for new jobs and figured it was time to take off. What do we do? Unmanned and robotic technology. Portions of our business development involve underwater technology requiring that we form a scientific diving program. I have been working on several diving certifications for our program. The only regret I have is that I wish I had done it sooner. Diving is crazy fun! But then again I have always had an affinity for diving deep into things, whether it was ministry, career, culture, relationships, theology, or recreation. I love immersing in environments and fully experiencing what they offer in life - beauty, security, diversity, play, etc. I have always loved the sea. Until the age of 13 I shared a room with my little sister, but when I finally had my own room I decorated it entirely in a nautical theme. Ships, chests, knots, pressure gauges, sailor busts, and ocean paintings - I had it all. 16 years ago I started reading Clive Cussler books for fun and have escaped into the literary depths of underwater treasure hunting from time to time. I am not able to pass a shelf displaying his latest and greatest adventure without snatching it off the rack for purchase. And now I am living out the fantasy. But if you know me, you also know that I rarely do anything without scouring for relevant tidbits of knowledge and wisdom. Diving has brought to life several insights that I find are applicable across a wide variety of disciplines. 

1. Breathe continuously and never hold your breath. 

This sounds like an obvious point, but you would be surprised how easy it is to stop breathing underwater. Why? Instinct. We are conditioned from birth to associate being underwater with holding one's breath. It is natural. What is not natural is breathing underwater. Holding your breath creates several problems not the least of which is it starves the brain of oxygen and can lead to increased instances of panic, anxiety and irrational thinking. It took a lot of discipline for me to force myself to breathe continuously. I found myself holding my breath when I panicked, finally succumbing to gasps when need overcame fear. Eventually I learned to breathe continuously, but it took a great deal of discipline and focus. It is easy to be overwhelmed by environment (currents, pressures, tasks, distractions, scenery). Everything can be handled cooly and collectively if you remember one thing: breathe continuously. I have always likened breathing to prayer. A friend of mine pointed out once that the sounds of deep inhalation and exhalation reminded him of the name of God. Yah-weh. I found it to be a beautiful practice and made it part of my prayer life. The deeper the need for prayer, the greater and more audible the gasps for Him. Yet, if I remember to seek Him out, praying continuously, it is surprising how much less I worry and panic over things and the fewer instances where I find myself gasping for His help and presence. He is always there - I just forget.

2. Never dive alone.

Another obvious observation and also easy to ignore. Always have a buddy. Never, ever, dive alone. The odds of two of us making the same mistake are slim to none. Will we both make mistakes? Sure. However, you decrease the odds of mishaps when you have a buddy. Having a constant eye on your buddy helps to keep you oriented. In minimal visibility and increased pressure combined with neutral buoyancy, knowing which way is up can be difficult. Being able to reach out and touch someone for orientation is reassuring. On my second dive I descended too quick without equalizing. By the time I reached the bottom my head was pounding and my brain was foggy. It had been a windy week down on the lake and visibility was close to 5 feet. Not very reassuring at all. I could not see a thing. I grabbed my buddy's hand and would not let go. We started to swim, but it felt more like spinning. I felt like a one-eyed fish going in circles. A few minutes later nausea hit and signaled to surface. My buddy swam up with me and we took a surface break only to find out I'd burst some capillaries and was bleeding pretty bad. The nausea was from swallowing blood. Lovely. I took a two week break, went to visit my sister in Germany for a week and another week poking around the southern Colorado mountains. Since I rarely start anything I do not finish, I dove right back into the water when I returned. This time I knew better. I warned my diving buddy that I would be taking my sweet time on descent and I did. He stuck by my side the entire time. And that's what you do. You stick with your buddy. I noticed on this dive that one of the other divers was having a problem and being a reassuring presence suddenly became my task. Having to focus on the other diver prevented me from becoming self-absorbed in my own circumstances and forced me to help another. The application is that surrounding yourself with community minimizes fear, provides reassurance, and prevents self-centeredness. It's not all about me.

3. Vision distortion at depth.

Your eyes are the most sensitive organ to pressure changes. It is difficult to notice at the time due to the lack of pain/discomfort associated signals like that of the sinuses. The scenery loses its vividness, colors distort, and everything grows drab. Colorless and indistinct, the landscape can quickly disorient a diver. It all looks the same. Underwater photographers are particularly frustrated by this phenomenon as it makes it very difficult to see anything of note or photo worthy. The tendency then is to avoid taking pictures. But what you later learn is that all the colors are still there. My instructor showed me a color chart at depth. I recall looking at it and thinking to myself, "Ok, what's with all the brown blocks? What is he trying to tell me?" (No talking underwater - communication gets murky.) I shrugged it off. 40 ft. later he whipped out a bright color chart and I thought, "What's with all the charts?" (It was the same chart.) I found several applications for this experience. The first being that any dive to depth has the potential to distort your vision. You cannot tell your vision is distorted in the midst of it. It is only afterwards when you look back on the captured images that you truly recognize what you were going through. This is one of the reasons I write more when I am depressed. It helps me to stay oriented. Later on I am able to look back on the experience and realize that circumstances were not as dull as I recalled. One of the first questions counselors ask when you are struggling with depression is whether or not you have decreased interest in normal activities. Why? Because everything grows dim. Life pressures increase. You feel like you are drowning and nothing seems to have meaning or purpose anymore. How do you survive? You have to remember that the colors are still there. And so you take pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. You capture what is drab and dark and when you bring it to the surface you discover the most amazing and beautiful images imaginable. 

4. "Narcing out" 

"Narcing out" refers to nitrogen (or any gas) narcosis. It happens when you dive below 100 feet, although each diver's threshold is different. It feels very euphoric, but is extremely dangerous. Narcosis is the "rapture of the deep." Reactions to narcosis are varied. Some divers become relaxed and happy and fail to respond appropriately to present reality. Other divers can stress unduly over unrealistic threats and react impulsively. Most underwater training involves at least one dive that intentionally analyzes the effects of narcosis on an individual diver so that they are aware of how they react to the altered state of mind. I already warned my instructor of what I think my response will probably be. He better be a fast swimmer because I am a runner. I do not mean a runner in the sense of "I like to run." I am a runner in the sense that "I flee dangerous situations." If, in an altered state of mind, I perceive danger, I will run. The "happy" divers, however, will gladly cop a squat or lay down on the ocean floor and refuse to move or ascend. Each response is equally as dangerous and can result in death. The fact that I am aware of my tendency to run often prevents me from running. When I encounter threats or dangers in life I do not immediately seek escape. But that is a result of careful planning. I always plan my escape well in advance. Not much creates insurmountable panic for me anymore because I always have an exit plan. Maybe that's a result of my IT training. My mind tends to work out "if - then" scenarios frequently. Narcosis has some applications in other areas as well. Whenever I dive into an area, there is a real danger of going too deep, experiencing the euphoria and not surfacing. I find this happens a fair amount in theology. The greatest upset for me is the disconnect between theology and applicability. Theologians dive into the depths of Scripture and "narc out" on their findings and never surface to see how it plays out in the real world. This is not just about theology, but applies to any discipline that exists only in ideation. There is nothing wrong with dreaming, experiencing the highs of spiritual depths, or envisioning life the way you would like it to be. There is everything wrong with never acting on and applying those ideas to your life. I have met many individuals who dream in their heads, but never act in the interests of actualizing those dreams. That is not how we as humans are designed to function. We are designed to think, feel, and act. Too many people go through life "narced out" and never realize the full potential of their dreams. Others go through life incapable of envisioning a better future. If your 5-year plan today is the same as your plan 5 years ago, it may be time for a change. Either the ideal must change or actions much change; limbo is not an option. This handicap plagues the Church greatly. We live in ideals of "one day...," but we fail to take action to make that one day today. We live in the limbo of "He's coming back so let's just inactively ride it out." Or we take up whatever random activist cause fits our fancy without holding it up to the light of our future vision. I do not want either. I want to dive to great depths, actualize my dreams, and live life to the fullest. Making your dreams happen is a discipline and one I hope to cultivate more. 

5. Exhalation and "puffing up."

I saved this point for last although it could easily be worked into breathing continuously. One of my dives incorporated a CESA (Controlled Emergency Swimming Ascent). The trick to a well-executed CESA is exhalation. Air expands as it rises. When you ascend in the water the air in your lungs expands and if you are ascending quickly with air-filled lungs they can burst. Ascent changes should be gradual, but if necessary, a CESA prevents "puffing up." It reminded me of "puffed up" christianity and arrogance. "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." (1 Cor 8:1 see context). We're all in danger of it. Especially when we do not acclimate properly to our surroundings or take into account the differences in cultures and individuals. We impose our "superiority" on others and desire a quick ascent to recognition. We ignore the wisdom of gradual ascent and most importantly - exhalation. I have seen too many ascend too quickly and it never goes well. They "puff up" and burst, scattering fragments and debris, wreaking havoc in their wake. Exhalation is a sign of release. Of expression. We exhale when we are singing, speaking, exercising, or playing an instrument. If you are intent on ascent, yet fail to take the time to exhale, you will cause irreparable damage. Exhalation is surrender. You surrender your panic, your fears, your pride.

There is so much more to add. This is enough for now. Even if you never dive, I hope you can at least apply some of the insights to your present life. As for me, I have fallen for the sea and all she has to offer. I will be heading to Honduras this next month for a research diving trip. Yeah, I know. Life's rough. Roatan, here I come!

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,

I have not forgotten you. I know you may think I have, but I have not. Life just got real busy, survival instincts kicked in and I have been inordinately consumed helping a business start up attain success. I will be with you shortly. I promise. I have so much to tell you. And as evidence that I did not forget you - I have about 20 blog ideas stored on my phone where I keep my sporadic musings. Plus, if I was ever in danger of forgetting you, my friends would not let me. So just know that you have some advocates out there. I miss you.

Love,
Me

The Radical Reformission - A Book Review

Introduction

            The Church has long been a passion of mine. Her relationship to Christ is an enthralling mystery; Her relationship to the world is a tragically misunderstood role. It was not until I grasped the true essence of femininity that I developed a deeper comprehension of Christ’s love for Her and Her mission to a lost world. The true nature of the virtuous Bride is well depicted in Proverbs 31 - a passage we forget when applying it to the Bride of Christ. She is an astute business woman, a lover, mother, provider, and the embodiment of wisdom and compassion. It is not only a relationship of inner intimacy with Christ, she is tasked to minister to the needs of her own and to the world.

            This perspective has largely shaped how I view the Church and Her image. The manner in which the Church has behaved over the past two thousand years takes on many forms. She has played the harlot and the performer, but none of this changes the ideal of what She is meant to be. The ideal remains pristine and a standard to which She must be held. If Christ is the image after which we strive to be, however imperfectly, then the virtuous Bride remains a proper image towards which the Church should aspire. This paper is an analysis of Mark Driscoll’s The Radical Reformission and his interpretation of the Church’s mission in the world.

The Radical Reformission

            I will begin by saying that the overall undertone in this book towards anything feminine is radically atrocious. Terms that Driscoll employs to depict femininity are degrading and a violent accost to any female. Terms such as cow, prostitute, dumb meat, strip club, strip poker, Victoria Secret, analogies of dogs and cats, whore, “Hefneresque”, beauty queens, naked, slut, trashy, easy, dirty, pornographic, and I kid you not - “junk in her trunk” - to name a few. These terms are used to describe a variety of different concepts including direct references to women, but each evokes violent imagery. If this is meant to depict a Church gone awry then that is fine. We have had our eras of immorality. But some redemption must be offered for an image of the Church that is clearly defined as a feminine entity. This does not happen. Instead of redefining a Godly image of femininity, Driscoll takes the role of the Church and transforms it into an aggressive, hotheaded, and aroused portrayal of masculinity. In essence, Driscoll turns the Church into himself.

            Driscoll’s depiction of a strong pastor on more than one occasion involved the capacity to kill another human being in self defense.^[1] I applaud the distinction of self defense, but it scarcely makes a difference. Unfortunately a class in self defense is not part of my M.Div. program. Perhaps it should be? Driscoll identifies himself as acting in one of two modes: angry and asleep. Perfect. Just the person who should be defining the Church’s mission to the world. His understanding of sin further complicates matters as he describes his identity as sin. In his words, “I thought sin was something you do not something you are.” ^[2] Firstly we are not sin. We are God’s image bearers and we are fallen, therefore, we sin. Secondly, this explains a lot of Driscoll’s seeming self hatred and inability to see true masculinity and femininity as reflections of the image of God. Driscoll’s words seemed to scream from the page, “I hate femininity, and even worse, I hate masculinity if it is not raping or killing something, or at least entertaining the possibility of such acts.”

            Driscoll’s understanding of the intimate relationship we share with Christ was loudly assaulted as a “thinly veiled homosexual relationship.” This is never explained, but neither are any of his “limp-wristed” references either. While I do not condone a homosexual lifestyle, I also cannot condone the manner in which Driscoll objectifies effeminate males and bends them over to suit his literary lust for attention. How’s that for conjuring violent imagery? He also seems to have an affinity for underwear and body hair.^[3]

            Finally after the onslaught of vicious imagery, Driscoll arrives at his first definition of Reformission. Reformission is “a radical call to reform the church’s traditionally flawed view of missions as something carried out in only foreign lands and to focus instead on the urgent need in our own neighborhoods, which are filled with diverse cultures of Americans who desperately need the gospel of Jesus and life in this church.”^[4] Where the hell did that come from? I am still trying to figure out if finding that gem was worth all the smut I had to wade through to get to it. I did not have far to go before he ruined it again. On the very next page Driscoll identifies varying cultures as “urban homosexual artists and rural heterosexual farmers.”^[5] I heaved a deep sigh. Of all the definers of culture in the world and he resorts to sexual orientation? Of course this makes sense in light of his view that “culture is an old whore, and modernity and postmodernity are simply her old and new dresses.”^[6] Niebuhr would be rolling in his grave if he could read this. What of the Christ of culture? The Christ who created culture at the foundations of the earth, was born into it, grew in it, loved it, and redeemed it? Enough of culture. What of the Church and Her mission?

            “Reformission is a radical call for Christians and Christian churches to recommit to living and speaking the gospel, and to doing so regardless of the pressures to compromise the truth of the gospel or to conceal its power within the safety of the church.”^[7] Another excellent point. Driscoll sees the Church as the primary minister of God’s grace in the world. It does not last long, however, as Driscoll goes on to attack parachurch ministries, liberalism and fundamentalism.^[8] I would like to point out that the presence of all three of these entities would be nonexistent had the Church been conducting Her mission in the first place!

            Parachurch ministries became a necessity when the Church withdrew from culture. It was still our mission to deal with societal ills and deliver the gospel through evangelism. As far as I can see, the Church continues to ignore the poverty and suffering around Her in various communities. The Parachurch is not some evil construct; it was a supplement where the Church failed. Driscoll does not seem to understand the nature of the parachurch and believes it serves in place of church for community. This is an inaccurate understanding of parachurch. It is an organization, not a fellowship. Those who work for parachurch organizations still attend church where there are a variety of ages, cultures, and traditions. They do not believe themselves to be a replacement for the community of believers; they are fulfilling a task that the Church is not. This portion of Driscoll’s book made no sense whatsoever.

            Driscoll commits the same fallacy with liberalism and fundamentalism. He attacks the liberal understanding of sin which actually addresses a real deficit in the church. People believed that their sin was a private matter between them and God and did not grasp the impact of sin on an entire community and culture. There is both personal sin and institutional sin and both must be condemned. The Church was dealing with personal sin, but failed to confront institutional sin. Likewise with fundamentalism, it confronts cultural sin. Fundamentalism stepped in when the Church forgot that while She is the embodiment of Christ in and above culture, She also has a task to be Christ against culture when the need arises.

            As Driscoll writes of his “love” for culture, it is full of references such as, limp wristed gay men and cowboys, skinny, feminine gay buddy, and reference to killing himself. What Driscoll does then is truly appalling as he takes a text and bends it over, proverbially raping it for content that is not there. Way to treat the Word of God. Gay indeed. He describes the Samaritan woman as a “dirty, leathery faced town whore who traded sex for rent.”^[9] I scoured my commentaries for any reference to this and came up with none. Firstly, prostitutes do not marry and this woman had been married many times and was currently living with a man. This does not make her a whore in that culture. It made her a wife, many times discarded. She had been married to these men and they divorced her. There is no reference here to her being a town whore, let alone dirty and leathery faced. But Driscoll does not stop there, he goes on to describe this woman’s body as “smelling of cheap liquor and men.”^[10]

            I take exceptional offense to this part of the book since it was the topic of a research paper I wrote. In my research I analyzed the culture and beliefs of Samaritans versus the Jews. Their law was not much different. It was common practice to divorce a woman who was barren in order to marry another wife who could potentially yield offspring. There is no mention in this text of the woman having any children which would make her a disposable commodity in that culture. She was not a whore, she was a brokenhearted woman who longed to be embraced and loved. Having recently been through the horrors of divorce myself I felt for this woman who was so easily discarded. She was probably a very beautiful woman which accounts for why so many men pursued her in marriage. Men do not marry whores. It’s a money sink. No one in their right mind would do that. Epic Driscoll fail. There are plenty of passages in Scripture that refer to Jesus dining with sinners and prostitutes. If Driscoll needed content he could easily have referred to one of those passages. Instead he mutilates an affirming text for women who are theologically minded.

            One pertinent truth is nestled in between talk of oral sex and teenage pornography fascination - “Innovation when not tethered to the truth of the gospel, leads to heresy.”^[11] However, Driscoll ruins it by completely disregarding innovation as being motivated in a lack of identity. That made no sense whatsoever. Innovation is the product of being human and created in the image of God. We are finite beings who serve an infinite God. It is within our nature to seek out and know this God which makes our pursuit of discovery and innovation relentless. It is not lostness. It is a love of knowing the One to whom we belong.

            The meat of Driscoll’s message lies in the following seven points: 1) the gospel connects to this life, 2) the gospel infuses daily activities with meaning, 3) the gospel names sin and points the way to forgiveness, 4) the gospel transforms life, 5) the gospel builds a spiritual family, 6) the gospel is about participation with God, 7) the gospel is about Jesus as the means and end of our salvation.^[12] This is an excellent description of what the gospel is and what it accomplishes.

            Driscoll goes on to talk of the concept of dating Jesus before we hop into commitment with Him.^[13] This portion was not as offensive. Driscoll took a few stabs at erectile dysfunction, incontinence, and feminism.^[14] I am guessing he has ageist issues on top of his struggles with masculinity and femininity. (Oh, and minivans, but they don’t have feelings so I won’t belay that point.) Driscoll’s best work in the entire book centers around community and loneliness. Unfortunately he did not really write it and it is mostly cited from Robert Putnam’s work Bowling Alone.^[15] I think this may be telling. Driscoll seems to do well if he can just stay centered on the research and grounded in fact.

            I would love to stop there because it would end on a good note, but I really have to talk about the beer. And beer is also an excellent note to finish on. Driscoll ties the temperance movement to feminism in his book.^[16] I have no idea where he got this connection but it is entirely false. The women’s suffrage movement came long after the temperance movement and temperance had nothing to do whatsoever with any feminization of the Church. The temperance movement, regardless of what poor theology may have emerged in conjunction with it, most likely saved the nation from a sure plummet into dependency. As we have seen time and time again, the ramifications of war on returning veterans are overwhelming and immobilizing. Healing and time are required before soldiers can effectively reintegrate into family and society. Rwanda is a modern example of a country recovering from genocide through the efforts of women, while men take the needed time to rediscover and reinvent vision. Rwandan women lament the depression their men have fallen into and the passivity to which they have succumbed. They would do anything to pull their once stoic warriors away from the bottle and back into the present realities of rebuilding a country. The post war contributions of women worldwide to replenish, nurture, rejuvenate and sustain cultures are infamous throughout history and our story of civil war is no different. The temperance movement was an endeavor to save our men from the same fate. That Driscoll would try to demonize feminism for this is ridiculous. 

Conclusion

            I love beer. Not just any beer - I love stouts and porters - none of the light stuff. I hate this book though and almost everything in it. If there was some profound merit in it, I missed the forest for the trees. Driscoll understands nothing of what it means to be the Church. He does not understand her divinely gifted femininity. He does not understand masculinity or femininity and has resorted to false images of violence and sex. Mark speaks out against those who would deconstruct gender and yet this work is the greatest assault on femininity and masculinity I have read yet.^[17] He has completely deconstructed anything honorable and image bearing about either gender. I could not figure out who Driscoll’s audience was. I know it is not me, or any other woman for that matter. It is not meant for sinners. It is not meant for the elderly. It is not the liberal, or the fundamentalist. That leaves only one demographic really - young “emerging” males. My soul cringes inside of me that this is what will guide our young men in mission if other voices do not speak out louder and stronger to portray the beauty, grace, and strength of the Church, the Bride of Christ and Her mission to the world.          

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            ^[1] Mark Driscoll. The Radical Reformission: Reaching Out Without Selling Out. (Zondervan: Grand Rapids: MI. 2004), 15.

                ^[2] Ibid.,12.

                ^[3] Ibid., 16.

                ^[4] Ibid., 18.

                ^[5] Ibid., 19.

                ^[6] Ibid., 161.

                ^[7] Ibid., 20.

                ^[8] Ibid., 20.

                ^[9] Ibid., 36.

                ^[10] Ibid., 38.

                ^[11] Ibid., 53.

                ^[12] Ibid., 58-60.

                ^[13] Ibid., 67.

                ^[14] Ibid., 75.

                ^[15] Ibid., 78-82.

                ^[16] Ibid., 146.

                ^[17] Ibid., 169.