2 Cor 2:7 “…you ought rather to forgive and comfort him lest perhaps such a one be swallowed up with too much sorrow. Therefore I urge you to reaffirm your love to him.”
I have been thinking a lot over the last year about the concept of forgiveness. The more I thought on it and compared my understanding against scripture the more I realized I was not properly grasping the motivation and intent behind forgiveness. I had always assumed that forgiveness on my part was for myself; that I had to forgive so that I would feel better and be able to move past the offense. While this may be a byproduct of forgiveness it is not the proper intent behind the act of forgiveness. I would never say that God forgives me so that He can feel better about His situation and move on. Why does God forgive me and shouldn’t his reasons for forgiving also be my reasons for forgiving? We are told in Matthew that God’s forgiveness to us is proportional in some degree to our forgiveness of others. And so I must assume from that, that my forgiveness should bear similarities to the forgiveness of God. Why then does God forgive?
God forgives, not for Himself but so that I may be freed of my debt. I am never under the impression that I do not owe God the debt of my very life for what sin I have committed and that even that payment is not sufficient. But God does not hold that over my head. I do not deserve forgiveness and yet He gives it so that I can be free from the consequences of death. If God did not offer forgiveness through the shed blood of His Son, Jesus Christ then I would be trapped in a state of sin and guilt. And so God’s intent in forgiveness is to free me, whether I ever come to realize it or not.
I was plagued recently with the idea that perhaps forgiveness was not necessary on my part if the offending party did not know they had wronged me or would even admit to it. It sounded good to me and offered a level of comfort and justice. But as I analyzed God’s forgiveness I could not reconcile my thought with His actions. Whether or not a person chooses to accept God’s forgiveness does not change the fact that He has given it. God has given it in the hope that someday I will recognize my pathetic state and accept His offer to cancel my debt. So how does that impact my decision to forgive? I must forgive no matter what. It does not hinge on the acknowledgement of the offending party…at least for my part. Nor should I forgive out of some sense of self righteousness – “I forgave you, therefore I am the better person.” What kind of gross nonsense is that anyway?
Forgiveness is then for the benefit of others first and that should always be my motivation. If God forgives for the benefit of mankind and not His own then my motivation should be out of a greater love for my fellow man. Do I truly love others enough to set them free through the act of my forgiveness? Or do I begrudge them that freedom in hopes of elevating myself and enslaving them in a prison of guilt? At the end of all this there is indeed a benefit to myself but it should not be my primary motivation. The benefit to myself is a truly genuine and sincere relationship with others, free from the condemnation of sin and guilt... which by the way is exactly the same benefit God receives through the act of forgiveness to me. His primary objective however has always been His love for me and desire for my freedom. Out of that offering of forgiveness and my freedom, I am then able to enjoy a truly sincere relationship with my Creator.
We must then ask ourselves why are we forgiving or not forgiving others? Is our motivation self serving? “I am now the better person.” Or is it focused on the freedom of others? “Through my actions I will make him a better person”. I think this has been the hardest question for me this year as it has forced me to examine my heart and motives. Do I forgive so that others will look at me and think how great or merciful I am or do I forgive to free others? May we be true instruments of Christ; aiding in the setting free of our fellow man that we may not prolong his sorrow and that through the act of forgiveness we may enter into genuine relationships with one another.
6 comments:
Excellent thoughts (as usual). This is a tough topic to tackle and I applaud you for doing it and doing it well. I too have been pondering this lately. It's part of our Christian DNA to extend forgiveness but your thoughts on the motives made me pause and think. Good Job!
Recently I have seen the good fruit of my "ready" forgiveness of others. It was not always this way; but it has been such a rewarding act that I am able to catch myself when tempted to harbor unforgiveness and remember how this is going to "clog" up my relationship and "stagnate" the flow of fellowship between others and me.
Oh I'm new at doing this the right way but I guess it is better late than never. Thanks for your soul searching thoughts and the challenge issued here; it was helpful to take me to a new level of understanding God's grace and forgiveness for me.
But what do you do with an offender who will continue to hurt you if you let them? How do you truly forgive someone yet protect yourself from further exploitation?
Great question, Janelle. I am still ironing out the theory of that put into practice. I have forgiven hurtful parties but at the same time I do not believe that history is meant to be forgotten and so I utilize the experience to learn from it and make changes. So someone may hurt me, I may forgive them, but I am not going to put myself in the same position over and over. I believe this is one area where we can really call on God for His wisdom in handling relationships. In one relationship in particular I am dealing with now I have asked God to act as my protector and defender so that I don't have to become hardened or bitter in an attempt to protect myself. I find that scripture points to God gladly assuming that role on behalf of the abused over and over again. He loves to defend! Let Him be your defender. But in order to do that we must relinquish our ability to exact revenge on our own. That is really hard for me but something I am getting better at.
Thank you so much for your response. God as my defender is the solution....and begging God for wisdom so I do not get *myself* in this situation again. Sorry I have forgotten my Google account password and have to post with my name only.
Thank you.
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