The Great Divorce

Yes, I borrowed the title from C. S. Lewis, and no this does not have anything to do with his book. Shortly after reading my last blog on Holy Tradition, I “skyped” with my parents about some of my observations. Mom was a little perturbed that we did not have many family traditions (perhaps more so that I had confessed this publically) and so we began to discuss why this lack of tradition existed. After about twenty minutes of conversation, mom blurted out, “It’s because we all came from broken homes, split by divorce.” That gave me pause and I thought long about it and its application to my analogy to Church tradition.

It is true. Divorce breaks tradition. It was true in the Great Schism at the turn of the last millennium when the East split fellowship with the West. It was true of the Reformation when the Protestants broke fellowship with the Catholics. It is true of family tradition and the home. It seems the more the Church splinters and fractures, the more tradition is lost over time. Having suffered through a divorce last year myself (yes, it’s taken me this long to actually admit and talk about it), I am more than familiar with the dynamics of this fragmentation. 

I strived to maintain what semblance of family I could despite the change. Family counseling emphasized the importance of offering security to the children with comments such as, “We are still a family; we just look different now.” I think that was sound advice which helped me to overcome some of the humiliation and disappointment I felt. The natural tendency in a divorce is to eliminate all symbols of prior unity as they can invoke painful memories or to complicate matters by blaming each other for poor decision making. The blame game tears away at the security of the children and forces them to choose sides and allegiances. 

The Church has been guilty of the same predilections. Certain traditions remind us of abuse, conflict or infidelity and we push against the tradition instead of the infraction. It is understandable. But is it productive or healthy? Traditions provide purpose and continuity which in turn offers a sense of belonging and security to those who take part. 

In my last blog, I identified a particular Thanksgiving that made me feel security and belonging more than any other. In thinking more about that day I recalled several – shall we say unorthodox – details. We were with my father’s family. Both his mother and father had been divorced since my dad’s early childhood. I knew my grandmother and her husband well. I had met my grandfather and his wife on several occasions. I had never seen them in the same place. But what made this Thanksgiving so memorable was the fact that for some odd reason we were all together.  I knew there was tension. I could feel it even at the young impressionable age of eight. The tension was a result of old wounds long buried. What made it bearable was the fact that we were there for a common purpose. We all contributed in some manner to the identity that was our family.  

  

I am halfway through my degree program at Denver Seminary. I have never seen such diversity in beliefs and practices as I do in this place. Yet, in spite of our differences we learn to love one another, often forced to reconcile and work out our differences in an attitude of tolerance. But the one thing that surpasses all our differences is the fact that we are all present in One Name, being like-minded, and desiring to serve the Church and God’s people. The common purpose of this spiritual family to foster identity to our fellow believers in the body of Christ forces us to set aside our differences and celebrate traditions together.

There may be “irreconcilable differences” and relationships may be “irretrievably broken,” but the commonality of purpose to serve our God and His children bonds us together in a manner that can never be severed. Certain traditions may create tension or be uncomfortable, yet the attempt at unity serves the members in a way we may not be able to understand. As much as we hate to admit it, the disjunction of our brokenness is a cause of grief to the Holy Spirit who strives to bring us together in unity.

I observed my grandmother and grandfather as they tolerated one another that Thanksgiving twenty something years ago and I have cherished that day because they both sacrificed their pride and pain for a greater good. As I move forward with my life and attempt to provide stability and love to my children, I am convicted to sacrifice elements of my own pride and pain in order to meet their emotional needs and foster their identity in this family – no matter how broken it may be.  I exhort the Church to do the same. There is much pain we have caused one another through our errors and fallen natures, but we are admonished in Scripture to strive for unity in light of diversity.  

  

“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call—one Lord, one faith, one baptism, One God and Father of all, who [is] above all, and through all, and in you all.” Ephesians 4:1-6